jane_doe

a little piece of me
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2001-11-30 00:14:10 (UTC)

parents

alright, i know this is my second entry for the day, but
who gives a fuck. i gotta vent. last night i called my
mom, but i couldn't talk very long because it costs too
much. so, she told me she would call me today between 1-
3. i was like, ok. that's fine and dandy. i had to leave
at 3, and it was just a few till and she still hadn't
called yet. i had something really important i needed to
tell her, so i went ahead and called home. my dad answers
the phone then hands it over to my mom. not a hi, what's
up, or anything. so then she immediately yells at me for
calling, because she was busy. how the hell was i supposed
to know that? she was bitching at me because she had been
gone and then was too busy to talk, said i shouldn't have
called, blah blah blah. so then i got upset because, well,
one of my biggest pet peeves is when someone is late. i
hate tardiness. if you're supposed to be somewhere at a
certain, fucking be there. if you tell someone you're
going to call at a certain time, call! i can understand
emergencies, but she ALWAYS does this. sometimes she's not
just a few hours late, but a few days late. that irks me
to no end. she told me she would call me back tonight, but
i told her not to. apparently that made her cry, because a
few minutes after i got off the phone, my dad called me
back. he started bitching and throwing a fit that i
shouldn't treat my mother that way and that i need to grow
up and work things out like an adult. first, i didn't know
it upset her. she didn't sound hurt on the phone...she was
fucking yelling at me. second, my dad has no fucking right
to lecture me on hurting my mom's feelings. he makes her
cry on nearly a daily basis. and he tells me that i've got
problems for doing that. i got mad at him, telling him he
had no room to talk, and then he couldn't figure out what i
meant by telling him that he makes mom cry all the time.
he fucking knows he does! he's such an asshole. and
third, he never ever calls me to see how i'm doing, or if
he finds out something bad happened, or anything. that was
the first time he has called me since i've lived on my own
(over a year a now...going on two). when i lived in the
dorms, hell, i don't think he ever called me at all then.
so yeah, he's never called. but he can call me to bitch me
out...doesn't make any sense to me. sometimes i hate him
so much. i know this doesn't sound all that bad, but i
guess you have to know the whole entire story, which i'm
not getting into (i don't mean the phone call, i mean
starting when i was a few years old). i don't know. he's
a horrible person, and an even worse parent. my mom, well
she's not a bad person, but she is a bad parent. i guess i
haven't been the best kid, although i never did drugs,
never stayed out past curfew, always got good grades,
etc...i guess i've gotten worse since being on my own. i
don't really know. sometimes i feel cheated. never had a
dad (he was always gone. i don't remember seeing him
hardly at all when i was young. maybe once every couple of
weeks..). he decided to try and be a dad once i was
already off to school, and that just doesn't work. he's a
complete stranger to me. and my mom, she's always been too
concerned with what's going on with my dad to care much
about me or my brother. not to say she doesn't love us,
she just doesn't have time to deal with us since she's
always so worked up about my dad. i know, there are people
who've had it far worse than i, so i should be thankful for
what i did have. oh well. i had a miserable childhood
thanks to them...

ok, i'm actually feeling much worse, so i'm going to go to
something semidestructive. no self mutilation today,
folks. gonna break something inanimate instead. i know,
that's no way to cope. fuck you.

jane_do


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