tarletondiva

Trials and Tribulations
2001-11-29 23:07:29 (UTC)

11-29-01

Well, I just got back in Stephenville after being at home
last night and this afternoon. Justin was supposed to
go with me and he actually did!! :)

We had such an awesome time. We smoked a lot, did
some talking, sat in silence, and messed around.
What better way to spend a night?!

He made love to me....really. He started at my ankles
and worked his way up. It was so mind-boggling. I
knew that when we fially took our time it would be
amazing, but this was so much more than that. He
went down on me for the first time...wow. It was the
most amazing night. I just can't believe how sweet,
sensual, and sexual he can be. I wish I saw more of
that side of him. But if I did, it wouldn't be as rare or
special.

I slept so well last night. I felt incredibly safe; that's
something I haven't felt in a while. It's nice to know that
someone you care about will be there when you wake
up. The first face you see in the morning....I know that
eventually I will have that with someone every night. I
just wish that I knew who that would be sometimes. It's
strange to go from thinking you know who will wake up
with for the rest of your life, to not having any idea.
Interesting thought to ponder...

It is also nice to be able to sit in silence and be at
peace. I know that he probably doesn't think that it's as
special as I do, but I think that's because I've never had
that ability before, and he has. He might've had it with
Mitza; he might STILL have it with her. I can only go on
what I'm told. The weird thing is that I WANT to believe
him....I've never wanted to believe someone before. I'm
in for it eventually....

Last night he said, "Love you much April." I''m not sure
if that means the normal "I love you" with the risk of
freaking someone out removed or just a friendly "I think
you're really cool." He is so amazingly complicated. I
wouldn't have it any other way though.

I cooked breakfast this morning. I hadn't done that in
such a long time that I had forgotten how good it felt to
know that I was doing something for someone just to
do it. I used to do it for Brandon all the time, but he
didn't really care. J told me that he fucked up a good
thing. I thought that was sweet.

So the sex last night was passionate and maybe even
magical. The sex today was mind blowing. I swear that
I haven't had an orgasm like that, well ever. He asked
me which one I thought was better. I said that it was
like comparing apples and oranges. Last night was
beautiful. Today was incredible fucking. There's a
difference between making love and fucking. Before
last night we had never made love. Now I know what
it's like. I just hope he doesn't regret it.

So, we had a good time. I can't wait till he comes for
the wedding. We're going to roll and bond. :) He
makes my life better. I just hope this feeling doesn't
leave me any time soon.

Until Later,
April






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