John

My sexuality - 18 Rated
2001-11-29 10:26:40 (UTC)

My wife discovered my hobby for collecting erotic photographs

Now this diary, when I find the time to write it, will
allow me to talk about things that I can't talk to others
about. In particular my sexuality and my fantasies will be
reported and hopefully I might get some interesting
feedback.

Last night I had a bit of a shock. I was collecting some
nice, mostly tasteful, pictures from the internet to add to
my collection. It was about 11.15pm and my wife came
upstairs, where the computer is, to get ready for bed.
Well, I showed her a page on the internet she was
interested in but then I clicked my mouse at the wrong time
and it showed a picture of an attractive naked girl. I
quickly clicked onto another screen as I blushed. My wife
asked a couple of times in a jokey manner to see the
picture again but I said "No".

She went to get ready for bed and I closed the pages down.
I also deleted the cache on the PC and several hundred
pictures that I had collected and stored in an obscure
file. Whilst I was disappointed to lose so many of my pics
I didn't want my wife, who's suspicion may now be raised,
to start looking for evidence.

Anyhow, nothing was mentioned and she was just as cuddly as
normal when we went to bed.

This morning, when walking the dog, I decided to
apologise. Everything had seemed okay but there are a lot
of women who would go completely overboard about things,
stop trusting their bloke and really making it into a
problem. When apologising I said that curiosity had meant
I'd clicked on one of the links that spam mail often gives
you. She said it was fine and she had clicked on one last
week and then struggled to close all the pages that had
opened. She accepted my explanation and said she'd have
been a bit concerned if I'd been wanking in front of my
screen. I said that she was embarrassing me now and she
jokingly asked if I was embarrassed because that's what I'd
been doing minutes before she came in. I said no it was
just the candid conversation which I kinda found
embarrassing.

Actually, I have no problem talking about sexuality, but it
is a surprise when my wife talks about it.

Hopefully, my wife doesn't start think ing the worst now
and I will try to limit my picture collecting to when she's
not in. I will also wait until I can get a network card
into my home PC so I can transfer the pics to my laptop,
which my wife rarely uses.

Next Thursday I go to Holland to work until Sunday and I
was really hoping to satisfy my urges but it seems I won't
have a car so the possibility seems to have been taken
away. Hopefully you can tell from what I've already said
about my wife that she is a wonderful person and we love
each other very much. However, my problem is I see this
life as the only chance I have and I'd really like to live
it to the full. I don't want to cause any upset and I take
every effort to ensure that I don't. I would love to be
able to share my sexual fantasies with my wife but I'm just
too scared that it will harm what we have. She is broad-
minded but that's with regard to others. So for the time
being I have to be careful and secretive.

Anyhow, what I'd really like to do in my life is explore my
sexuality and get as much variety as possible. I do prefer
the female form but I also have gay tendancies. I have had
a couple of gay experiences and the last, when I visited a
male escort about 3 years ago, was very pleasurable. I did
enjoy my ass being screwed but I can see why women complain
about facial stubble.

Back to my trip to Holland I had hoped to visit the red
light district and see if I could find a nice lady in the
windows who would masturbate herself for me. The sight of
long shapely legs spread, especially in stockings, and a
nice shaven pussy spread with a woman enjoying herself is
such a turn-on. Then I would like to pleasure her by
giving her a finger-fuck, making sure my thumb gives her
clit plenty of attention. Finally I would like to have her
put on a strap-on penis, slip it into my ass, and make love
to me. To have a nice pert pair of breasts to caress when
laid on my back with her slipping in and out of my love
hole would be so sweet.

Afterwards, and still horny because I'd not had an orgasm
yet, I would like to go to the adjoining street where the
guys allegedly are. I would like to find a fit guy,
ideally shaven all over, who likes to be a top and a
bottom. I would first let his meat slip inside me and
whilst in a condom I would love him to cum inside me. Then
hopefully he will be a real slut and spread his legs and
ass hole to allow me to enter him. He would have to be
really horny for it because my partner's have to be very
enthusiastic for me to maintain my erection and enter
them. I've never entered another bloke or an ass and his
enthusiasm would have to overcome my mental block.

That would be my ideal trip but it doesn't look like it
will happen. I will hepefully keep you informed.

I hope the content of this diary isn't too explicit but I
feel I have to talk to somebody about my feelings. I hope
some of you might give me some feedback.

Take care.

Love,
John