It's Been A Foxy~ Day
2001-11-29 08:29:28 (UTC)

I'm sick of everything.....

I think I have just figured out the reason that I
don't let anyone close to me anymore. It all started with
my relationship with Rob. It was first love, pure and
simple. Everything that I had ever wanted was right in
front of me and for once I was actually happy with my
life. But, all first loves have to overcome obstacles and
me, I just looked the other way and ran when an obstacle
came running to me. We tried and tried to make a
relationship work out, but to no avail. After that was the
last time I could ever put my trust in someone. That's why
I always look at every relationship that I'll ever be in as
nothing special. Something there for the moment because I
know that it's going to leave eventually. So, if I'm not
open or anything and don't let them in, then I won't be
hurt when they leave.

That's the reason that I don't let Jason in no matter
what. He tells me everything that Rob ever told me and I'm
afraid to trust it again. Instead I torture myself with
this whole "are we, aren't we" bull crap. That's why I
keep listening to this kind of depressing music, so I
convince myself that it's over before it even starts.
Before I even try and give it a chance. I still feel like
running away from this all. Even though I know that it
will be the same no matter where I go, I still want to run.

Mood- Can't stop crying for the realization flooded me

Song I'm listening to- "Loving This Way" by Bobbie Eakes
and Collin Raye