My Life
2001-11-29 03:44:07 (UTC)

How disappointing....

So the farmer says, let's go have dinner at the Buffet at
the Casino and I'm thinking, wow, it's a little expensive,
and then I'm thinking, what are you worried about, he has
made little to no effort, he can do this. So I meet him
there and we hug hello, he looked good, shaved his
mustache, so he says, "well, where do you want to eat? I'd
be happy with a burger and fries", so I'm like, ok, that's
fine, but inside I'm thinking, geez, you are cheap. But OK,
so we go to the cafeteria style place and I get my Caesar
Chicken Salad (which was very good, by the way) and so we
sat and it was nice to just talk but I found myself getting
a little uncomfortable at times. We talked with no problem
but I just looked at him a little different and tried not
to be judgmental.

He brought up the subject about the gay comment. Told me
about a guy in his town who was really successful and had
this big company, multi-million dollar company, and he
fired two gays because they were open. He said they were
breaking state law. This guy lost everything when these two
sued the pants off him and his attitude was like, poor guy.
I told him, is that the only reason he fired them? and he
said well, ya, it was his company, blah, blah, blah. I told
him he deserved it and to see what hate did to him. I just
told him again that I was surprised because I didn't think
he was capable of being so hateful. He got my point.

So i tell him i have something for him in my car, i put
together an early Christmas present, nothing much but for
him and his boy. So I valeted, so i get my car, go to his
car, get out and give it to him, he goes to get out of the
car but someone is waiting for the spot, i tell him it's ok
if he doesn't want to get out, he does, then I forget to
give him something, go to my car, and i give it to him and
we had talked earlier about following me home and going on
to hit the highway. So he says, so I'll follow you to hit
the highway? and I say ya, and he just turns around and
goes to the car!! No kiss, no thank you, no kiss my ass? I
just kind of watched him dumbfounded? So I drive to my
house, turn off into my driveway and he just passed my

It just figures. I gave him a copy of Jewel's new
song "Standing Still" because when I first heard that song
I thought of him. I put a note on it and told him to read
it later, i told him that I feel like the one on the side
of the road and i feel like he's passing me by. I told him
to disregard the 3rd chorus where it says "Do you love me
like I love you?" because I told him, I'm not in love with
you but I do care about you and I feel that that scares you.

So maybe tonight was a good thing. I'm very disappointed
but I found myself thinking of Terry and knowing that he'd
make me feel special and I didn't with Lynn.

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