Heather

To be.. or not to be..

I'm so tired of being scared. So tired of being concerned
for everyone and what they think. I am who I am, right?
Fuck what everyone thinks of me or what I'v done or what I
do!
Yea, right. Definitly not ready with the shit that goes
along with "Coming out". I'v got kids. My biggest fear, JD
would hate me, take it out on the boys and not see them.
I'm just so ready to be myself. (Who ever that is!)I mean,
I'm not sure if I'm gay, I only know there's something more
out there that I want. And the one person willing to give
it to me right now happends to be female. I'm not really
sure what to do. All I know is I want to be happy and the
person I'm with now doesnt make me fell that way. I deal
with him because I'm used to him. We've been through so
much. who wants to start over after that? Who wants to re-
build a life with someone new. I never thougt I did. But
lately I seem to be thinking thoughts I never did before.
I'm lost. I dont know what the hell to do. I live my life
out of obligation. Maybe it's time I'm true to myself and
life how I want to live. Maybe.