*~eSsBeE~*

Tainted Perception
2001-11-28 20:30:33 (UTC)

Rambles are the LEAST confusing...

comming in to realization of everything that has happened
is rather akward. i wish i could close my eyes and find out
it was all a dream, but i know that when i open them i'll
still be in this damn house we're i've been stuck for the
past 2 weeks and we're i'll be stuck for 4 more. being out
of school is not as fun as everyone makes it out to be. tv
gets old, eating all day gets old, homework gets old REAL
fast. i have house-itis... take me away!
i never realized the importance of the ability to have two
working hands and two working feet until i found myself
crawling in pain to the bathroom. dad refuses to carry
me... he calls me a "lard ass"... told me to lose 20
pounds. mom said if i lost 20 pounds i'd be even bonier
than i already am. SEE DAD! IT'S NOT LARD! IT'S BONES DAMN
IT! I don't need his introverse sense of humor right now...
he's not all that funny and i'm feeling red.
the shinning star of unbearable pain is a token known
as "oxy-cotton". they gave it to me after my surgery on
tuesday. it makes me really woozy, and makes me say stupid
things. my friend nicole said that i'm lucky. i personally
don't like the woozy feeling.. the wired stimulation.. for
once i'd like to get a decent night of sleep!
i don't really know what i'm going to do about school.
Mom's trying to arrange a tutor, and debbie offered to help
me in trig in physics. i hope i can handle it all.
i finally received my report card today, and boy was i
surprised:
PHYSICS: B (wow)
TRIG: B (Knew it... class is a cinch.. socahtoa!)
SPANISH 3: B (oo.. mi gusta)
HISTORY: B- (wow.. i'm used to seeing like c's or d's here)
ENGLISH: A- (this was a D at the beginning of the quarter!)
CHORUS, SELECT: B (WTF? That's the LOWEST grade I've EVER
gotten in a music course.. and I went to a festival and
everything for this class... has to be a mistake...)

I'm going to end this entry with something i wrote today.
It's not the best thing i've ever written.. but it's what
i've been pondering lately.

sometimes things happen
that we can't explain
things that shock us
beyond belief
and we pass them by
some low point in life
a tradgedy
not a mystery
what if we did look behimd?
what if we went past the pain?
is there some secret
we aren't able to see?
was it a blessing?
a miracle?
cheating of faith?
was it supposed to scar?
supposed to end?
or
was it supposed to begin?
and maybe if we stop thinking
of all that we've lost
we'd smile and find that
none of that matters
we surrived
we're alive
we've just been born
experience
now i KNOW we're alive.
~Essby





Ad: