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2001-11-28 14:19:59 (UTC)

The sound of my esophagus as I push out of my cocoon

Ya, so here I am once more leaving an entry in my rant-
space diary before class, and as it turns out the person I
was goinbg to write about already left me a message on my
diary this morning. Forshadowing...

I feel so much better lately (this week)
I know I am over this other stuff from before now - and
Misty, you were write - I wouldn't make it through that
twice, she isn't worth it. She isn't worth anything from

I know you are happy too, and that is the main thing - that
makes me happy, and I'm happy for you. There is no such
thing as appropriate, so I'll rant here for a while. Don't
take exception to any of it. It is a good rant.

I am feeling better because I am happy, happy that you are
happy, happy that Cieola is healthy, happy to feel
significant to someone that has taken notice enough to know
me and to someone who would do something like write about
me and carry what I wrote about you in your purse. Even as
best friends that is so... I was going to say flattering
but that is wrong.... it makes me feel like a living
breathing, feeling, felt, person again - I can't explain
it, but I've been a shadow within myself for quite a long
time and I feel that breaking apart and it feels good. The
little things... they make or break me. As a best friend
you obviously know me enough to know how also. I'm doing
such a terrible job expressing this, but I hope you get the

I know I've been talking a lot about leaving for Tokyo or
Victoria, or Montreal, or Beijing... The experience wouldd
be nice and eventually I will cover them all - to do it now
is basically because I have no reason not to. I have no
responsibilities keeping me here. But I could. I'm happy
with things now, but if I was given a reason to stay I
would. Anyway, like before, I'm expressing this poorly,
but I do love you enough to do so in any capacity - and you
are uniquely abble to do so also it seems. I really value
that. Here's the truth that you already knew along with a
thanks for how things are.

Love Brian

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