writings on the wall
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2001-11-28 11:05:34 (UTC)

Why am I doing this when I know it's wrong?

Yesterday I was talking on the phone with Louis after
I went offline. We were talking and then he asked me about
our phone conversation yesterday. I honestly couldn't
remember and I told him so. What he said after that hurt me
so much. He asked me if I was seeing other guys too. I said
no and he didn't believe me. He kept saying that if he is
the only guy then how could I not remember what we talked
about yesterday? I was at the verge of tears...

I asked him if he did not trust me and he replied "how
can I if you can't remember what happened only yesterday?"
I tried convincing him that there's no other guy although I
told him that I did chat with a guy friend. Of course I
didn't tell him about the phone sex part. What he doesn't
know won't hurt him,right?

I am now in IRC with my best guy friend (again), and I
can't help but feel guilty. Not because of Louis but
because I know that my best guy friend has a gf and I am
seducing him to do this with me. I think people are never
satisfied with what they have. The thrill of obtaining
something unavailable just turns me on....