Watch Me Fall
Ganklets and Gastyles
Hey boys and girls.
My brother is staying with us this week. It's sooo nice to
see him. I forget how much I miss him sometimes..He is like
the other half of me. I haven't seen him cry in so long,and
he keeps telling me that he has to keep it bottled up. I
know tomorrow he's just going to lose it-like we all will.
I'm trying so hard to push this feeling away,but it is so
hard. It is always in the back of my mind. Today in the
car, Patrick said grandpa kept telling him how smart I was,
and that I was really going to be something someday. Then,
he told Pat that he was going to make preparations to pay
for my college. that makes me so sad. He had so much faith
in me, and I hate it that he never got to see me ammount to
something. Everythign I did was never for my parents,it
wasn't even for myself-I always wanted to please him and
have him respect me. Just knowing that he had thought so
highly of me is enough to run with for years. Death is such
a funny thing,in that, you never fully realize the
simplicity of it. It's not magical,or mystical,or
beautiful..it's terrible and unbiased. It stops for noone
and is faulty reasoned. People dont die because it's 'their
time', they die because theyre sick,or something horrible
happenned to their body,or they are old. I jsut wish it
wasn't so final. I was never good with goodbyes..adn I
never will be. I always wiat too long to say whats on my
mind,and I never say it quite right. I'll make it thru this
though. I'm strong that way.
Over and Out.
Song of The Moment-Our House, Jimmy Eat World