AdmiralWilliams

Tucker's Personal Log
2001-11-28 04:49:02 (UTC)

On the Road Again - Stardate 10111.28

The following entry is rated "Okay Go For It," since I
don't really swear in this one, as I'm not really in a
swearing mood. There is also some suggested sexual
content, so if you know me, bring a barf bag (one exception
is permitted here...you know who that is)

Well, lots to catch up with...so I won't. Honestly, I
don't think I can wrap into words all I've missed, so I'll
just summerize as best I can.
This past break weekend made me realize just how much I
love Tia. We've had our first very intimate encounter (no
intercourse yet, you sickos...but the details are not
public domain, so you'll have to use your imagination),
quickly followed by a second. It's been blissful.
But that's not what made me realize just how much I love
her...not at all. In fact, it wasn't until I was sitting
in the car, crying in her arms, tearing away inside, that I
realized how much I really cared for her. We'd just
seen "Return to Me." For those who have seen it, you
probably know the accident scene was the one that tweaked
me terribly. Those who haven't, I'll let you watch the
film first (I really hate to ruin a flic for people).
Anyway, I realized that I don't know if I could live on if
I lost her. And so I told her that...and I cried. I cried
really hard. And she soothed me...like no one has ever
soothed me before. In fact, the only person who could ever
sooth my pain that well is my mother, and she had years of
practice...Tia just knew what I needed, and set my heart
again at peace.

So then I discovered the dream...which I'll share with
you. I was zoned out after English class...very tired from
staying up the night before. I fell asleep, and had my
first dream in ages.
I was standing in a field in a wooded area. In the center
of the field is a rocket. It's a simple, smaller rocket,
with a simple launch button and a blank marble marker near
the launch pad. I'm there with my son...my and Tia's son.
And we're talking about the launch day...the day that's
coming soon. For in my hands is a box...the ashen remains
of my beloved. It was her time then, and she left
peacefully. And now it's my time coming soon, and the
launch must be perfect...our son must know how to launch
this rocket, because it's very important...
And my time of passing comes. Suddenly I'm watching my
funeral, and my son pours two boxes of ashes into a
cylinder, and puts it into the rocket. The ashes are all
that remain of the starbound lovers that once walked this
world. Now, never to walk it again, they are to travel the
stars together as one. He pushes the launch button, and
the ship flies away into the strata, never to return. As
the ceremony end, our son kisses the marble marker, but now
it reads something. I can just barely remember it now, so
I hope that by writing it here, I may never forget: "In
Loving Memory of Matthew Jared Tucker and Vitia Simone
Tucker - May the dance amongst the stars together
forever."
And so that's how it will end, she and I...it is a future
that I am at peace with, and it is the one I shall put my
hopes into...it will only be after decades of devoted love
that this will come to pass, without fate driving us away
too soon...and Goddess willing, so it will be.

Well then, I'm tired, so I need to retire for the evening.
Tonight's entry is very teary eyed and deep...tomorrow will
be more utilitarian again...I just needed to share these
dreams with the world before I could continue with my
regular entries...thanks for listening.

BTW, if there's anyone reading this, please feel free to
make comments. What about me do you want to know? What
gaps have I left? What do you like? Just pop in and say
Hi and such. I'd love to know that people are really out
there listening.




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