Life of a rockstar....NOT!
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2001-11-27 22:03:34 (UTC)

Bad Day

Hello again. Well actually this has just been a bad week so
far. I guess I've gone through worse, butya it still feels
really crappy. Well yesterday, my school counselor, Mr.
Caughlin, asked me to come to his office, but all he had to
say was that I was doing really good in my classes and just
to see like what I was thinking about for a career and
about my extra-cirricular activites and stuff like that. It
made me feel like such a loser, cuz I'm being very unlike
myself this year and I'm not playing any sports or being
the musical or play or anything. But ya, and I was all like
I'm trying to improve my grades and stuff, and he made me
feel more stupid cuz he was like well theres not much u can
do to improve. I think that I am crazy or sumthin, cuz I
have all A's and two A minuses, but for some reason that
just isnt good enough. I don't know what I'm thinking, but
all I know about that is that I have to bring those up to
A's. My grades are what I feel is the only thing I have
going for me in my life because I'm not gunna play sports
for a living, and I don't have a great body so I like
couldn't be a model, and all I have is being smart. So ya,
I guess I'll just have to try in school(new concept). And
it's a big stress load for me right now, with the Holidays
coming and having no boyfriend. I just don't see why no one
likes me all these people always tell me I'm really pretty
and all this stuff, but yet no one ever asks me out or
likes me or anything. I guess I'll just have to wait. I
seriuosly don't know what i would do without Jewlz right
now, sometimes it feels like shes all I've got. But she
seems to be having a lot of stress herself. She tells me
shes okay with everything, but I can tell that she isn't
cuz when I look at her she just doesnt look like herself
this week. Today...uggghh. We are starting all this career
stuff in my 6th hour class now, and I'm not completely sure
what I want to do with my life which makes that even more
stress, cuz I always feel like I have to know what I'm
doing and have everything all planned out. Today was also
James's birthday. The day started off pretty good, xcept I
can hardly pull myself out of bed anymore. Math class was
pretty good, I talked to Ronda alot today, she is so cool
and funny, it made my day really good. But then I got to
english class and we are reading this dumb book, The
Odyssey, and I don't have a clue what's going on cuz it
takes frickin forever just to read a page of this crap. So
I don't read it and then I'm lost in class. I had a spanish
quiz too, and I didn't study so I don't know what grade I
made on that one. I wish I wasn't such a procrastinator, I
have a biology project due next friday, and I haven't even
started, and I have a biology test on Friday, which I have
to get a perfect score on, cuz if I don't I don't think I
will be able to bring up my grade in that class. PE was
actually the good part of my day. We went bowling again,
and I bowled with becca, katie, and then on the lane next
to us, Jimi, Dustin Sean and TC bowled. Jimi is hilarious.
He always makes my day better in PE. He's frickin
hilarious. Then 5th and 6th hour, well lets just say,
boring and sleepy. It was bad. Then my day got soooo
crappy. I was supposed to sign up for this showing of The
Nutcracker today with my friends cuz we get out of school
to go to it with the Drama Club in December. But me and Sam
looked all over the building after school and we couldn't
find stupid Mr. Herschberger so I guess we aren't going to
the play, and I wasted all that time looking for him and
making myself look dumb cuz I didn't know where he was. I
wrote a message just for Zack in my info, but I doubt he
will ever get on and read it. It says~I know that I don't
know you very well, it's just something about you that I
noticed the first time I actually met you, and that I fell
in love with. And I wish you would get online more often,
or call me and sing to me cuz I know you can, hopefully you
know who you are and if you ever read this, call me.~~ So
ya in my heart I really hope that he reads it and realizes
that its him and calls me. Hopefully I will find someone to
be there for me and hold me close like I deserve soon. I
love you all.

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