Christy

Life

I am out of the hospital now, for trying to commit suicide.
I wonder to myself sometimes if I should be out or if maybe
things will get better like everyone keeps telling me.
People tell me how scared they were when I did it, but does
no one understand how scared I was? This was my life I was
choosing to take away. I am so confused about my "best
friend" Tine. I want her as my best friend, but lately she
is...pissing me off so bad. She walks around with this
little attitude. She can be so stuck up sometimes and then
she forgets who the important people in her life seem to
be. Then there is my other best friend Jess. Jess already
has a best friend but...hell she is my Jess. I tell her
everything, even when it is happening and she always
listens to me. Tine told me before that I shouldn't trust Jess
because she would tell the whole world, but I have learnt
that Jess won't tell anyone unless it is important and that
Tine has the big fuckin' mouth. Then there is Brad. I am
falling so in love with Brad. I am scared because I don't
want to get hurt but at the same time I am convinced that
it is totally worth it. We have not had any time alone in
forever, and all of a sudden he is getting big into the
drugs. Almost every night he is high and that kind of
pisses me off because by the time I get there he is so
burnt out...I dont know, I just get frusterated. West Side
Story is going to kick ass. I am getting hyped up about it
and if another fuckin' person asks me if I can handle it I
am going to tear a strip out of them. I want to do the
play, it was my choice. I like the attention so why
wouldn't I want to do it. I feel strange sometimes becuase
I am not going to school but I am doing the play. Next week
I go to school anyway.