my manic world
2001-03-29 14:19:40 (UTC)

i played with my finger nails,..

i played with my finger nails, tapped my foot, looked
around the room nervously, and couldn't bring myself to
look at her in the face, not at first, not yet. she was a
kindly older woman, not what i had really expected, but
what can you expect out of a new therapist? i don't know,
i had just invisioned her so much different, after speaking
with her a few days ago. tears worked their way up, but
remained at the brim with much effort. relief flooded into
my heart when i left, and thought about what i had just
experience. for the first time in quite awhile, i felt
that i would be okay.....sometime...... i had not felt
this way before, i had wondered many times if i would ever
be okay. or if these problems, the demons i could not get
rid of, this anger, this rage, and internal pain, if it
would plague me forever. but.....tomorrow is tomorrow, and
now i feel assured that there is hope.