destini

the truth

i first wrote in my diary a few weeks ago, and promised
myself i would write everyday. something has happened, and
i have not been able to. see, i am an alcoholic. was a
recovering one, but i relapsed a few months ago and got
real bad a couple of weeks back. i ended up having to be
detoxed (again). i withdrew pretty bad. i had dt's
(delerious tremers), and ended up in the er getting detoxed
because i started coughing up blood. i am shaking my head
right now because i just still can't believe i let myself
drink again. it more difficult this time because i just
moved from dallas a year ago, and everyone i knew there
were big party people, then going through rehab, everyone
understood what was happening to me. now i live in a small
town. i felt like everyone was looking at me crazy, well
they were, and of course none of my new friends or thier
family or ANYONE understood. i guess not too many people
know that alcohol is the only drug you can die withdrawing
from. i guess everyone thinks people can just quit
drinking and be fine, but that is not the case at all!!!
which actually, you know really scares me because i had
alot of friends in dallas who saw get drunk all the time,
and if they are alcoholic they might not realize it for a
long time, and will they know how to get help when they
need it??? oh, and the dwi's. i don't even know wwhat to
write about that because when i 17 i was hit by a drunk
driver while on my way to rehab and it killed someone in my
car and hurt me pretty bad too. then i turned around and
got 2! 2 of them. don't worry, i haven't driven in almost
2 years now. i even sold my car to take away the
temptation cause it scared me so bad what i did.
i don't even know why really i am writing all this... i
started this journal to talk about other things, never
thought i would relapse, at least not yet. i guess i am
just hoping that someone will read my journal and maybe
learn something. alcohol kills! it will take everything
you love, except itself, and in the end it will turn on you
and take your life, the physical part of your life, because
it will have already taken everything else.