le soleil et la lune
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2001-11-27 04:40:39 (UTC)

I'm worried

What should I be doing right now? I should be studying for
the psychology test I have first thing in the morning,
writing my journals, or filling out my registration form
for youth in government. Instead I find myself incredibly
worried about some of my friends.

First of all, CJ. I KNOW he can do amazing things when
given the chance. I KNOW he is one the most wonderful
people in my life. And I hope that he can get rid of this
I don't care bullshit attitude. I know that being told
that you are failing a class is a horrible thing. If you
recall I was told that quite a few times last year. And I
know how bad it feels to wake up in the morning and wish
that maybe something would change, something would get
better. I do that every morning too. I sleep in the
fucking laundry room, tell me that I don't. All I know is
that I love this boy with the whole of my heart. We have
been through a lot of stuff since he moved here in the
eighth grade. He has been there for me when I truly needed
him. He is like my brother, and when he feels bad, so do
I. It hurts so much to see him like this:unmotivated,
depressed, hopeless. He has it in him to get past all of
this. He has that inner strength, but it is up to him to
find it. And when he does I'll be there to push him along
when he waivers, to cheer him on when he needs it, to pick
up the shattered pieces if he has to start over.

Amanda, the one they call the hulk. She is understood.
She says it all of the time, and I just wish that people
knew her like I do. SO what if she is bitter, or sometimes
sarcasic? That's part of her. She is an amazing friend,
one that has never let me down. She got in to Western, and
I'm proud, like one of those grinning mothers from the
sidelines. She has so much hurt in her though, and so much
confusion. I wish I knew how to help her through it, but I
don't. All I know is that I will be here for her to talk
to if she needs someone, just like I will be there for CJ.
But I am also worried that the overprotecting parental
units are causing her a lot of problems. Why can't she go
out on a Saturday night like everyone else?

I love my other friends too, don't get me wrong, but I'm
really worried about Amanda and CJ, and I just wanted to
let them know that I'm here no matter what time, what place.