Joshin Jane

"took a chance on a suicide romance"

casey and i have such a healthy relationship.
we constantly support each other, we constantly reinforce
each other.
there are i love yous and i miss yous and you're the
greatests.
we make plans to see each other and we write each other
cute notes and then he talks to me about meghan or talia
and it keeps me grounded about how good our friendship is
and how we're there for each other.
but every day that we get closer and talk on the phone more
often and have trouble saying goodbye when we're chatting
online, i get scared that maybe i'm using him a crutch.
i know i can't handle a real relationship and having casey
to pretend with is different from any other relationship
i've ever had.
becky is, of course, my best friend, but we can't name our
children and plan our wedding and kid around about how
perfect we are for each other and how successful and
romantic our marriage is going to be.
having that with casey gives me hope, hope that maybe i'll
find that someday.
i just wish it were real now.