Diary of a Mad Heather
2001-03-29 05:34:41 (UTC)

Hullo. So, this is technically..


So, this is technically my second entry -- following the
first by only minutes. However, since that was more like
an introduction, let's count this one as the first actual
journal entry.

Okay? Cool.

Anyway, tonight was really exciting for me. I've been
feeling really sick lately and on Monday night, my mom and
Donald (my step-dad) rushed me to the ER at Mass General.
I was having horrible stomach pains, bloating, nausea,
chills -- you name it. My mom found me curled up on my
bed, crying. So we hightailed it to MGH in the midst of
some falling slush.

I was really nervous, because my mom was insisting that I
tell the doctors everything -- "everything" being code
for "anorexia." Of course, that scared me because there
are two schools of thought when it comes to anorexia.
Psychologists base their diagnosis purely on behaviors and
pyschological factors; however, medical doctors use the DSM-
IV (a guideline of physical criteria) for diagnosis. The
DSM-IV states that for a clinical diagnosis of anorexia,
one must be (to paraphrase) severely underweight with a
loss of menstrual periods. Well, guess what? I'm actually
overweight and while my periods are irregular, I certainly
get them. That's why, despite having been diagnosed over a
year ago, I still shuddered at the thought of mentioning my
ED (eating disorder) to actual physicians.

Luckily, it turned out well. The doctors took it very
seriously, and treated it with the utmost respect. Yay!
Also, turns out I have a UTI (urinary tract infection) and
a possible impending recurrance of a kidney stone -- but
other than that, I'm not in horrible shape.

But I still spent the last couple of days feeling shitty. I
mean, as shitty as a fly who's just had its wings pulled
off. That's pretty damn shitty.

Tonight, the hunger was overwhelming. I've spent so much
time eating only the few items on my "safe-food" list, that
my body was literally aching for something more
substantial. My mom, encouraged by my outright confession
of hunger, convinced me to try a grilled-cheese sandwich--
with REAL cheese (I normally allow only soy substitutes,
and even then, not often) on two slices of bread. And there
was even a bit of Country Crock Shed Spread!! Well, you
have to understand how scary this was -- I normally eat
only fruits, lettuce, and small doses of fat-free things
like cottage cheese. Oh, and my required cans of Boost
Nutritional Drinks. So this was a major decision.

Anyway, I ate the sandwich. And guess what? It was so
fucking delicious that I almost died! Real food! And it
helped to alleviate a headache that I've had for three days
straight. Yippeeeee!!

So that was my exciting night. Tomorrow, mom and I are
going to MEDA (Massachusetts Eating Disorder Association)
to get referrals for me to put together a treatment team
here in MA. Then we're gonna go check out a cool thrift
shop and spend some time at Barnes & Noble. She has a few
days off before she starts her new job (she's an RN and is
about to start an admin job at the VNA of Boston), so we're
getting to spend some time together.

I'm so glad to be home again.

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