Courtney's Pages
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2001-11-26 21:04:03 (UTC)

Blah blah blah

Yeah I am gonna say that today is such a boring day. I
drag my ass outta bed at 7 to go to my only class of the
day that gets canceled! Oh well. I thought it was a good
thing but since that point, my brain has gotten absolutly
no use at all! Yet another oh well right? Yeah well I am
not seeing this as a good thing. I look at myself and what
I am doing here and I think that I am a Lazy unproductive
member of society when I just sit here all day and do
nothing at all. I mean I haven't read today or done
anything like that I just sat in this room all day. No
lie! It is pretty sad. I am going swimming tonight which
is something. Shit I left my goggles at home. Damnit. I
need to get a job or something! Then I wouldn't feel like
such a lazy ass waste of human being. Jobs aren't easy to
come by around here suprisingly. I dont know why I cant
find one but the truth is that I just cant. Well maybe
that one job as a hostess is still open but I dont know
maybe I will go and get the paper and find out by skimming
thru the help wanted part of the paper. If not then what
do I do? I should stop worrying because I know that God
will provide. Maybe I just need some heavy prayer and
worship time with God. Meditation and praise. I dont feel
close to God right now and I want to feel his arms wrapped
around me right now I want Him to send me a sign that I am
doing the right thing and that he hears me and that I am
going down the right path. I need strenght for the times
ahead because with Aunt Minnie dieing, there will be greif
and pain and weakness. I want to know that she is going to
be alright and that she is going to a better place. I pray
that God's will be done, but she continues to suffer. Is
that really Your will? Maybe I have no right to be angry.
Maybe I should just be glad that You have given her the
life that she has and be glad that she has lived a full
life. I shouldn't be questioning. I shouldn't be mad. I
should trust in the Lord. But why am I having a hard time
with this? Sigh. Please Lord, help me to understand the
ways that You work. Help me to know that You are here for
me. Send me a sign of Your presence with me. Let me know
that I am on the right track and guide me into Your arms!