Passenger17

26.11.01

So, I haven't yet left.
I was talking with Abi and she...left! Right in the middle
of our "I hate school" conversation. How fucking rude!

Ok, and I was just about to go THEN, when she came back on,
so I'll have to stay and talk now.
My arms!
My poor arms.
I shredded them and they hurt.
Well, it's not..pain, it's just..I'm not sure what it is,
but I know it's something, and I know it's not pain!
My blood has dried under my skin and it's left a pretty
colour under it! The blood is so....pink. Umm..PINK! Not
red.
But maybe when I have a bath it'll be red, and it'll go.
This is like, the first time I've written on BOTH of my
arms. Ouchie! =(
I don't regret doing it, because the rises and bumps of the
scratch are pretty and the scar is usually very beautiful,
the pain at first helpes me feel better, come to my senses,
and after, it's like a dull aching in my arms, in my chest,
and I just don't ever want to do it again. But I do. I do
it again and again and again.
I've learn to live with it now.
I'm part of it, and it is part of me.
Forever.