Pandora's Box
2001-11-26 09:00:41 (UTC)

To Puke or Not To Puke?

12:57 a.m.

Sometimes you can love someone so much it makes you sick to
your stomach; it can drive you, physically, to illness. Beyond
butterflies or stomach flips or anything trivial in that nature. I
think I may be sick.
Sometimes someone is so beautiful you envy/love them in a way
that makes you love/hate yourself and keeps your thoughts/feelings
all jumbled and disheveled and you don't know whether to not sleep
so that you can think about them constantly or put a bullet through
your brain so you don't have to anymore.
Sometimes I don't know whether to laugh or cry or scream; just
talking to/listening to/reading from him sends me into fits of
ecstacy (in the way that makes me feel ecstatic, not erotic) and
it's so new and so strange that I don't know how to react so that
inside I feel immature and inadequate behaving like a toddler and
outside I look cool and collected trying not to express anything at
all (except that now, my hands tremble uncontrollably).
Sometimes I don't know whether to love or hate him except that
I couldn't bring myself to hate him and I love him so much that love
isn't the right word; I think I'm going to have to come up with
something else to call it because four letters isn't enough and love
is such an over-used cliche and if I said I Love You it wouldn't
really convey what I feel so I stick to You're Incredible and You
Amaze Me and Why Am I Not More Like You.
I think I'm going to be sick.