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2001-11-26 08:51:59 (UTC)


I don't know about you,but has someone ever said
something to you ,that you just couldn't take your mind off
of?Well it happend to me,I was talking with a very good
internet friend and he said to me,"That he couldn't think
of one thing he was thankful for over the holiday!"I know
it was probably just one of those little phrases that
should have just slipped by me,but it didn't.Instead it
manifested into my own wonderings of what I am thankful for.
Thats when the madness set in and began to take over.What
was I thankful for? Am I truly thankful for anything?I
indeed have a somewhat disfunctional but normal family,I
have done some really cool things such as getting my
writings published,indeed that was cool,but am I thankful
that it happend?My mind raced searching for one
thing ...one thing at all, that I was truly thankful
for...Madness I tell you..me alone with my thoughts in my
own head...I would go through my normal routine in life but
still the question lurked in the void of nothingness in my
so called mind.Doing dishes , cleaning ,chatting on the
puter,watching t.v...nothing distracted me from my quest,to
know if I was truly thankful for anything...Since I spend
most of my waking hours in some form of torment or stress
and sometimes once and awhile depressed so depressed I just
want to curl up in a corner and hide,daring someone to find
me.Mind you that ..that is rare occurance for I choose to
laugh most things off and believe that everything happens
for a reason.Even when you really don't know what the fuck
that reason might be!This state of madness which was
reigning over me ,finally broke...I was in the shower,my
hair all lathered up ,bubbles running down my face into my
eyes,nose,mouth.When it finally occured to me ...that there
is one thing that I am truly thankful for .At that point I
threw the shower curtain open,and moved to the
mirror,wiping the steam from it with my soapy hand.I looked
into that mirror and smiled ...for the one thing above
anything that I am thankful for is ME!I returned to the
shower and enjoyed the rest of it,relaxing ,now that my
mind was calm and no longer in the realm of madness.My
quest was over,the reigns being held so tightly over my
thoughts were released.~sighs~ Heather

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