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2001-11-26 04:02:59 (UTC)

moment of repressed anger

i just had a burst of anger.

fuck that man.
fuck you being mean to me all the time.
and fuck me for taking it.
i dont know why i fucking do.
i love you?
is that reason enough for me to deal with you being a huge
bitch to me?
i dont think so.
maybe somehow i find ways to make it justified.
but its really not.
there is really no reason for you to have to be so fuckign
mean to me.

at all.

and i know that you know it.
and maybe i try not to fight back with you for a reason.
maybe because i know how you get when you get really mad.
and i know you really dont hear what i say anyway.

or maybe its just not fucking worth it to me
its really not.
id rather just have you have it your way
then suffer through fuckign days worth of the result if i

i just dont understand how you can care about me so fuckign
so much.

and then just be so fuckign rude and disrespectful towards

i dont get it.

and i dont get why you treat me like that..
and i dont fuckign like it.
that is for damn sure.

i like you.
i love you.
but i dont like how you just tear through me sometimes.
like you have no fucking compassion.

like i have no fucking feelings.

like im stupid.
like everything that i think and feel.
are insignifcant to you.

i dont get it.

i try so fuckign hard to not cause any friction between us.
and it seems like you do the exact opposite.
like you purposely seek out shit to get mad at me about.
even when you know im trying so hard to not piss you off.

i dont know.
i just dont fucking know.
not now.
you know.
sometimes i think youre the best fuckign person in the
fuckign world.
and i thank fucking god that i met you.
and other times.
i feel like so fucking petty.
i feel like you couldnt give one fucking shit about how i
and you know you KNOW
that you can affect me.
and maybe thats what you like?

you know.
i dont think that people can have the power to make you
unless they also have the power to make you unhappy.
but you know.
theres this line.
this line between good and bad
that you keep fucking crossing.
over and over again.
and i think that we talk.
and i think that we have this sorted out.
and then.
there you go again.
proving me wrong.
proving that maybe there really is nothing i can do this
you know.

i am so fucking lost.

and so fucking tired.

i dont understand what the fuck happened.
you know.
i just dont.
this was an all of the sudden kind of switch.
and i dont know how to go back.
and in fact you know.
i really dont think that its even up to me.