EcceAdam

The Susann Saga

I suppose it hit me last night (and of course after reading
her entry in this journal) that I have always questioned
the nature of Susann's feelings for me. Last night, as
good a time as I had, was no different.

Susann admitted some years ago that she had romantic
feelings for me, and for some reason, she thinks that made
me uncomfortable. It didn't. The fact is that I was in no
position then to follow through with that for a number of
reasons, mainly distance. Additionally, Susann has always
been such a good friend to me that I would never want to
threaten that by entering into a relationship of a
different nature. I do believe, however, that Susann has
romantic feelings for me today. I also believe (and
conversations last night confirmed this) that we have very
different philosophies on relationships. Moreover, if I
did have children, I am not interested in naming them after
U.S. Presidents.

That aside, I do love Susann very much. I believe the
nature of that love is what the ancient Greeks would call
Philia.

But today, I find myself in a very different situation. In
following through with God's call, I have committed myself
to a life of celibacy. I have decided to sacrifice sexual
and romantic relationships for a more intimate life with
God. That is a decision with which I struggle, but also a
decision that I freely made. With this, I am not free to
pursue any romantic relationships anymore.

Susann will always be an important part of my life, no
matter where we are. As far as the nature of our
relationship...I suppose time will tell.