Swacky

My ThOuGhTs
2001-11-26 01:52:57 (UTC)

LoVe

I just finished watching Pretty Woman. I try not to watch
movies that have anything to do with love or romance,
because I tend to feel like this after its over. But
everytime I watch them, my desire to be loved becomes so
much stronger. Love means so much to me. I want someone
to hold me in their arms and not let me go. I want someone
to just look at me, and with out saying anything, I'll know
that he truely loves me. But right now, there isn't a soul
on this Earth, besides God, who does. And that really
hurts me. I want the "fairy tale." My Braddley Sean.
He's kinda like one of my dream guys. He means so much to
me and I care about him with all my heart. He tells me he
loves me, and I know he cares about me, but I know he
doesnt truely love me. It's just that we've tried to make
it work over the phone and the whole sex difference would
cause problems. He knows it and so do I. But I kinda
still have hope that one day something will happen. I used
to think that it could acctually happen with Brandon, but
those feelings seem to have vanished. I am suposedly
dating Jeremy at the moment. We are just friends. You
would think that with the title "Dating," there would be
some kind of change in a relationship. But there isn't and
for me it's just too weird. I used to think dating one of
my really good friends would be really cool, but I guess I
was wrong. I still havent totally figured out Sean, but he
shows no interest in me. After this Thanksgiving break, I
feel like I have been going down the wrong path in my
search for love. Over the past few nights, I have seemed
to go back on my morals and I feel like I have changed the
way people look at me. This morning I didnt want to get
out of bed. There is nothing for me to look forward to
anymore. It upsets me to think that no one will ever love
me, but it's happened to so many people my age. I'm
jealous and scared. I want to find true love. I wish I
could just leave this place, and go where no one knows me.
I could start all over.




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