The Miserable Freakishness of the Misera
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2001-11-25 21:16:54 (UTC)


this is probably going to be my last post.
My father told me that since I'm a high school drop out and
a loser that I shouldn't do things like hang out with my
non-christian friends anymore, so I'm not going to because
he's right. I need to stop wallowing in my own self-pity
with this stupid journal. He knows that my friends aren't
really my friends so I'm just going to do what he says
because he's right about everything. I need to start going
back to church and doing what Pastor Clark tells me to do.
I'm going to tell Kat tonight that I can't see her anymore
because my father said she wasn't a christian and I can't.
I'm going to have to tell Mandy and Steph the same thing
too. My father's right, since they're not christians I
shouldn't see them because they're probably making me less
christian and Godly and I need to be more Christian and
Godly. I'm probably going to have to stop seeing Jon all
of the time too. I need to get my GED so I'm not always a
loser, that's what dad said. He told me that I have to do
something with my life and that I'm going to or I'm out of
the covenant. My father says that I'm a drop out loser and
he's right so I need to do what he tells me to do. I don't
want to be a loser so I need to listen to him because if I
don't I'm going to be a loser too.
Oh God I hope Mandy and Steph and everyone else reads this
before I have to tell them because if my father finds out
that I'm seeing them tonight he'll be very angry.
Oh jesus christ i feel so gone i looked in the mirror and
there was nothing left of me there there was nothing of
what i thought there was.
my father said i couldn't think for myself or be an
individual and he's right so i burned myself five times and
started cutting myself and it won't make me stop thinking
i'm a loser oh jesus i can't think oh jesus
i couldnt stop crying becaus ehe askedd me if katt was aaa
chrisrtian and i said no and if i should srtop seeing her
and he toodl me i had to and i had to brun myself over and
over agin because i cant stop myewself
i cant fucking thuink im so gone
i cant fucking think