the writing of kuypers
2001-03-28 18:33:39 (UTC)

praying to idols July 20, 2000..

praying to idols

July 20, 2000

every once in a while
i question whether or not there is a god
but i changed my mind
i thought i have found him

he had dark hair
almost black
just like a god should
and he had these blue eyes
not just blue
almost white
so light
they look like glass
and you could almost see right through them

and could i see right through you
if you gave me the chance?

i'd clasp my rosary necklace
and pray to the right gods
and wouldn't they be you
and i'd let the necklace drape over my shoulders
around my neck
and i'd let the rosary fall between my breasts
and you would forgive me that much more for my sins

how many hail marys
would you want me to say
i'd ask

i cannot believe i have seen you
and i have talked to you
and does everyone get to see their god like this
and does everyone remember

why do you have to be my god
why did i have to see you
and talk to you
and realize how young you are
and realize how inexperienced you are
i mean, you're supposed to be the god
you're supposed to be teaching ME

is this what people think
when their gods let them down
did you let me down
or did i just never know
what i was looking for?
is this what people think
when they realize
they are only praying to idols
what then?