Infiniterocker

hello kitty cat
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2001-11-25 19:43:19 (UTC)

It looks like it should be September outside...meh

So I'm sitting here thinking about Jason..I'm thinking
about if anything has changed in his head.
I got an email from Bridget. I really can't wait to go to
IL. I really can't wait.
I feel like I'm in a hospital waiting room.
It's so uncomfortable.

On a different note I have been thinking a lot about my
Mother. I wonder where she was for Thanksgiving. I hope she
was with her parents instead of wondering around dayton
street waiting for someone to cut her a break and give her
some cheap heroin to celebrate the holidays with. You know
I do have a lot of hatred towards her, but I still lvoe her
so much. You think the love would fade. But it hasn't. How
much longer can she last anyway? With her it's almost like
she dyed back in 1994. When she had her brain aneurysm.
That's when I knew she was gone. Not that she was ever
REALLY there before. But it's really hard when your mother
dies liek that...but not literally. She is still alive
physically..but I think she is as lost as possible ...she
isn't really breathing...I wonder sometimes how it is
possible to bury yourself that deep.
How can she wake up every morning..and go on...knowing
everything that she has done?
How can she still look me in the eye?
Not say she even ever has the chance to look me in the
eye..but the one time every year or so when she could..she
does...ad she lies.

When you lie in your bed
And you lie to yourself
When you lie in your bed
And you lie to yourself
Lie
Lie



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