Squeeb's world
2001-11-25 16:09:11 (UTC)

I hate myself

Frigg! I soooo hate when I feel like this. The damn
insecurities and all that. I'm soooo lonely. Kim got up and
decided she was going home for the weekend this morning. And
friggin I just... I'm scared of losing her. It already feels
like I've lost Jess and well Kim is my best friend in this
whole world and I can't lose her. And the thing is I'm like
suffering separation anxiety because I know that really we
only have like about 6 months before we're both done school
and go our separate ways and frankly, it scares me. For
three years we have been practically inseparable. And I have
become so dependent on her. I'm thinking maybe that she
realizes how little time we have left together too and maybe
this is her way of dealing with it. Whereas with me, I just
want to spend like every possible last second with her. I
dunno, maybe that freaks her out. I just... I'm gonna miss
her sooo much come the end of April. I don't even want to
think of it. Grrr, look what I just did- started bawling
again. I think that's why it bothered me so much that she
just up and left this morning without any real notice. Now
that's a whole weekend without her. And another weekend by
myself... I think maybe I'll try to call my friend George
later and see what he's up to. I'm really lonely and even
Tiff's not around. I honestly right now wouldn't even mind
just going home and curling up on my Mom's lap and crying. I
really hate when I'm like this. And I still have that nasty
"something's not right" feeling in the pit of my stomach.
Anyhoo, I'll go wallow now.

Current mood: neurotic and lonely
Current music: "Dig In" Lenny Kravitz