Thoughts from Blue Angel
2001-11-23 17:58:46 (UTC)

Thanksgiving Break

I needed this break... badly. It's a lot easier to get
Tyler off my mind when I'm 130 miles away. I still think
about him a few times throughout the day, but it's nothing
like I know it would be if I were at school right now.
Most of my thoughts of him are kind of negative, so I'm
thinking this might affect our relationship, but better the
relationship than my sanity.

I'd forgotten how awesome some of my friends are! I've
hung out with James a few nights since I got home. I know
we blew up at each other really badly right after I got to
school, but it hasn't made anything weird between us, and I
think we're actually better friends now than we were before
I left.

I went cruising with Ben one night. He really is a cool
guy. It's nice to come back and have someone like him
who's always giving me a hug or leaning back against me
when we're hanging out at James's house or something.
That's how it has always been between all of us.

I went out with Brad for a while after I got off work last
night. We eventually ended up back at my house to watch a
movie. It was really fun.

On the other hand, Melanie hasn't called me all week. We
had fun Friday night when I was with everyone after their
play, but neither of us have really made an effort to get
in touch. Oh well. I guess things change, and this is one
of them.

Part of me wants to stay home. Part of me really is ready
to go back to school. Part of me wants to talk to Tyler.
Part of me wants to forget that he exists. Part of me
wants to stay here with my friends who I now feel very
comfortable with compared to my "friends" at school. But
part of me hates life in this little town and wants to get
out of Hickville. Part of me loves the privacy and space I
have here. Part of me really wants to go back where
there's no curfew or having to watch what I say in front of
my mom.

I'm not so ashamed live 500 miles south of most of people I
go to school with anymore. In fact, I've learned to
appreciate the southern accents a little more since I got
back. They put me at ease, because they're what I'm used
to. At school, I have this half-unconscious goal to speak
without my slight southern accent.

I feel like I have two lives now- my life at home and my
life at school. And they contribute to each other. There
are lots of things that I'm still figuring out. There is
one thing I know though. I'm becoming much more confident-
yet again- in all aspects of my life.