2001-11-23 16:59:03 (UTC)

so... ive been spending the..

ive been spending the last couple of nights with my gf and
her family. its been such a beautiful time for me. ive been
having so much fun. so much. and its just been nice to be
able to chill out and not worry about anything. emily and i
got in a sort of arguement this morning though. i dont
really know why shes so pissed at me. why she was so mean
to me. but i rarely do. i wish sometimes that she would
just talk to me. just tell me how shes feeling. without all
the anger that tends to come with that. and sometimes i
think that when shes angry she just tunes out. and doesnt
listen to me. and if she does listen that she doesnt think
about what im saying. or consider it. but anyway...enough
of that. i love her so much. i just wish that things like
that could be different sometimes. i dont like getting all
upset. i dont like crying. and i dont like thinking that my
whole day, or at least a vast majority of it is ruined just
to a bad mood. you know.
i just dont understand.
but that doesnt mean ill quit trying.

its cold in here.
im about to go out to lunch with my mother.
i got home just in time to say bye to my aunt.
which was nice.
she reminds me of my grandma though.
and thats a little weird.
sometimes i actually miss my grandma.
i guess thats just something that is instilled in you at a
young age. you know.
no matter who the person actually was in life.
they were still your family member.


fuck that.
what is it any way.
i hate how people try to define it.
i think thats dumb.

so im going to go out to eat with my mom.
i would have gone out to eat with her and all of that
and then went and met emily and her family.
no cell phone.
so thats not possible.

she is such an extremist sometimes.

she hurts me so much sometimes.
and i dont know why she does.
i know she knows that she does.
you know.
i think sometimes she takes me for granted.
and then she realizes it.

but this morning.
i really just do not understand what happened.
i wish that we could just talk sometimes.
without her getting all pissed off.
even if things arent going to happen the way she would like
them to happen..
you know.
just talk.
not argue.
i dont like arguing.
and its her getting mad at me.
and its funny.
because i try so much.
to make her happy you know.
i want her to be happy.
and i want to be happy myself.
but anyway.
im going to take a shower and go eat with mommy.
i love mommy.
im glad that i came home to spend time with her
she needs it.
but i do miss emily.
but anyway.
im done.