Voices in My Head
2001-11-23 09:36:51 (UTC)

the scarriest moment of my high school life...

my senior year in highschool i had scarry revelation... i
had fallen for my female friend, and lab partner. not that
i only like girls, i happen to like guys as well but there
is just something about women that is just so beautiful and
desireable about them. i would spend most of the time in
class just looking at her, she was so beautiful. She had
long brown hair, beguiling blue eyes, and pale delicate
skin. now this wasn't the first time i'd found women
attractive, but this was the first time i ever wanted to
act on those feelings with someone who i had been good
friends with, not to mention the fact i had no idea if she
also liked me in that way.

so after many weeks of thining about her all the time i
finally asked for some advice from a couple of friends of
mine, who where ofcourse male. most of my friends are. we
where sitting in the back of my friend's truck in the ITT
paking lot, they both attended school there. and i let it
all out... i told them that i really wanted to be with her
and i had no idea what to do. they then got to pick on me a
bit, because of how funny it was to them that i would have
no problem asking a guy out in the past that this should be
so difficult for me. but this was different... i wasn't
afraid of her telling me she didn't like me in that way, i
was afriad of her freaking out and never wanting to be
anywhere near me again. now don't laugh it's happened to me
before with friends that had found out that i liked girls,
even though i had never made a pass at them.

after much encouragement from them i decided to ask her.
the next day i was so nervous it wasn't the least bit
funny. i felt like my skin was trying to jump off my body,
and my heart was beating so fast i felt like it was trying
to put me into the hospital so i wouldn't have to say
anything at all. I pulled her aside into the back room of
the class where we would set our art projects to dry and
just said it. as fast as i could i told her how i felt and
asked her if she would be interested in dating me. it took
three agonizing seconds for her to answer me...

"i'd like that." with a little smile on her face. i was
frozen in time for a moment and then i just started
laughing. i couldn't help it... i had been ready to die of
a heart attack at the thought of just asking her. it never
occured to me she'd say yes, i was so worried about losing
her that i put myself through hell for over a month just
trying to get the courage to ask her. i think it was the
most amazing feeling in my life up to date. i have never
felt that relieved or happy in my life.

she eventually left me, with no real reason at all, for
someone who at the time was my worst enemy. but that's
another story. and i don't really dwell on it to often. but
i will always remember the day she said yes, and how
wonderful it felt.