somewhere in between
ahh i hate trying to think of titles. i mean whatever. i
don't give a rip.
ahh i am in a very pessimistic mood right now. heck knows
why. well maybe it's the whole thanksgiving thing. ahh it
bugs me so much. like i love the meal, and i love our
little family tradition of bringing a Bible verse & talking
about it & singing and whatever. that's the redeeming part
but mostly thanksgiving means we all act like we have for
the last ten years of this nonsense. brian and phil stay
upstairs forever. my uncle tries to talk to me about
SOMETHING but i have nothing in common with that kid, who
is really almost 40 but he needs to move out of my
grandparents' house. ahh. greg hits on me. i do ALL the
chores and my bro does none because it's his time to "watch
football and eat", which seems important. my grandma traps
me and tells me stories that i honestly don't care about AT
ALL. and my parents talk about school and all the things i
haven't QUITE achieved but i sure have the potential to.
and i am one of those people who dislikes the holidays. i
think it has to do with all the romantic shmuck floating
around. aaaack. and also the only person i ever "dated",
i broke up with right before christmas. and i don't care
if he WAS the biggest jerk ever, it sucks to have a five-
month relationship and break up at the happiest time of the
and this year i'm having surgery on the 21st...mm fun. but
only one leg, which means i will probably end up being put
under AGAIN sometime in 2002. mmm yay. that also means i
won't get to do anything when we go to tahoe!! 4 days
alone in a condo sure sounds like fun, huh? on second
thought, maybe i won't even go. i'm sick of phil anyway.
i mean he's such a nice boy. quite ducky, really. but
it's so taxing to listen to his "i have sooo many girls
flocking to me" stories and hear him talk about his
perfectly planned future because he's like...i don't know,
mr. future and i'm ms. living-in-a-dream. nice, huh?
and then meghan starts talking to me about what kind of
relationship she's looking for and i tell her my little
opinion and i realize that i probably have YEARS more of
agonizing singleness to myself and how sucky is that? but
now i'm all thinking about that, and even though i
shouldn't be, i AM wanting something cuz i have no stinking
patience!! and then rational lindsay says, "you don't need
to date until you're like 20" and then the dreamer part of
me says "but look at paul & kristen! look at the p-bergs!
date now! get married young!! it will happen!" and then
i just tell myself to shut up entirely, which leaves me in
a bad mood like i am now.
yes and this is my first thanksgiving since i was 12 that i
have eaten meat. yay!! and i don't barf anymore, so
there's another bright spot in this holiday. maybe that's
another reason i'm bitter towards it.
plus i still cannot put ALL my feelings on here. aaaahgh.
but the ones that i want to put in are stupid anyway
because i always get myself all wound up and then bust out
these weird thoughts which aren't really worth reading
anyway. and i just want to have an answer, just want to
get part of my life resolved, ya know? it's kinda stinky
how life is a journey, cuz sometimes i wish i would arrive
& know it. i thought things were resolving yesterday, and
then some of my dear friends smacked sense into me and i
realize that i'm no better off than i was before. i mean