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2001-11-23 06:11:36 (UTC)

sap on leaves

Today was another hard long day. I have been keeping long
nights to get all my work done. I wonder if the students
that are never on top of work like me, how are they
handling this last week. Do they not care, does it not
affect them emotionally. Am i just being anal about the
level of work I hand in? Anyhow I am looking forward to
sat. morning. Today was nerve racking as I had an exam that
i was studying for till 33o am and the night before i did
not sleep at all so i was working on a delerious level. So
just reading was very difficult. Right after that I had to
do a public presentation, which I feel very uncomfortable
about. Speaking in front of people that are not interested
is difficult. Once that was over I still had to battle the
walk across a stage to recevice the awards at my university
as much as I greatly appreciate the awards I sometimes
rather not recieve them cause the stress leading up to them
is extereme. Once all this was over i had to look forward
to writing my essay, which was side tracked with my
boyfriends emotions troubles, last night was hard and then
today he was affect about somebodies comment said towards
him. As he deals with the same difficults of depression as
I , i know that one comment can throw of your hold handle
on life. Its funny he had to deal with my last few emotion
outburst which was new to our relationship and he handle it
well. But what i did not know was how hard it must of been
on him. As it was so hard for me to see him cry and look
desperate. Now I understand when my mother said how her
heart bleeds when I am upset. i really felt all his
saddness in my own heart. But I think he feels better, I
hope he does. i think this week end i will devote some time
with him and make him feel better and loved. Share my
energy with him as he is low on it. It is 1 am and I have a
world of work to do before the morning and I just want to
wake up without red puff eyes.