*blank stare*
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2001-11-22 22:37:50 (UTC)

I'm Gunning Down Romace, Never Did A Thing For Me But Heartache & Misery... Ain't Nothing But A Tragedy...

I'm really tired, so if this sounds wierder than my
stuff usually does (ha) that be why.
I am a human, yes. And humans thrive on human affection,
yes? Yes. Well, all the human affection I receive usually
ends with me being hurt by whoever gives it to me, or me
hurting them. I've decided that human affection is utterly
useless and so is love. I'm not going to go live in
solitary confinement somewhere or anything,and it's not
like I don't love my friends and family still. But I'm
going to try to train myself to no longer need loving
relationships, human contact (as in, touch), or affection
from others. It will keep things simple, no? I already
miss having those things so now is as good a time as any to
start. I don't want to lose my friends- I don't want to
push away my family. This goes deeper than that. And (so
far as I know) it's not like anyone likes me right now or
anything, so I won't hurt anyone cause there's no one to
push away.
I've told myself before that I would be done with
relationships, and that's never stuck because I always
ignorantly and naiively assume that "it'll be different
this time!"
No More.
From now on, there's no relationships, no friends with
benifits, no nothing that requires feelings. I know, life
consists of loving and that love failing for some reason or
another. But I don't have to like it and I haven't found it
written anywhere that such a thing is required of a human.
It's just natural- but I can beat that.
Especially with a move coming up. I won't know anyone, so
instead of having to sever old affections I can just not
allow new ones. Yeah, there we go. I need to take a good
long look inside myself... hope I don't get lost on the way
Well I'm all tired and so I'm going upstairs, where I
will most likely stare at the cieling and not sleep until
the damn roof caves in.

Current Music: Gunning Down Romance- Savage Garden

p.s. quite obviously, my small cousins didn't kill me...
however, my cousin Adam almost got slaughtered when he for
some reason found it necessary to babble incessantly in the
loudest voice possible into my ear while I was trying to
type. I'm staying in Florida for Turkey Slaughtering Day
next year- let the "grownups" deal with the brats.