hello kitty cat
2001-11-22 19:39:58 (UTC)

blissed and gone

I'm extreamly sad...I always get sad around the holidays. I
just feel this deepening urge to get up and leave..leave
all this.
I'm thinking about IL. About how I used to wonder around
downtown...looking for Christmas presents for people. I
remember when I first moved there...Jamie came to visit for
Thanksgiving. It was the first time I had ever gone
downtown...we went there late .....and they had closed the
streets off and put Santa Clause in the middle of the
town...they had Ice sculptures and Christmas lights...and
music. It was like living in a book. I remember how cold it
was...I remember running home and getting lost..and running
in the house sweaty and worried we'd missed our double
date. But of course we didn't ..because that night we lived
in a book. I miss it being cold. I miss the snow. I'm just
afraid that I'll get caught up one day..and forget...
I think of Thanksgiving in PA and I just have to go
downstairs to get the atmosphere for that...all that
included was a football game...
Yeah it was cold and nice..but it was hell.
I hope I don't get in too deep here. I can't let the past
control me...I have to let go.
You can't live in the have to live for the
moment...that's what I have learned living here..
You have to stop wishing yourself away
because if you do there is no chance of keeping yourself
So I won't.
I will live for the moment. I have to let go.