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2001-11-22 06:46:40 (UTC)

Ignorence is bliss...

A lot of people have said "what a romaantic, if only I was
younger" or "where are all the guys like you" or some
similar form of flattery - but, with the exception of
possibly one person who I can think of, no one really means
it. No one really means it because no one is capable of
making these things a reality anymore. Today pumps out
materialists who not only want their cake and the option to
eat it too - they want every kind of cake they can find.
They want variety, excitement, diversity in their sexual
pallete - they want sex to be a performance that they can
develope skill in, not something that has raw effect on the
soul. Such a thing would not only be foreign to them, it
would seem rediculous. Everyone wants a romantic.

No one wants to be one.

Don't get me wrong though. Everyone wants to think they
are romantic. But in practice I may have met seven others
that live up to the real demands of being one. My
grandparents, and the Mackays aside, I may know 3 not
counting myself. But the incredible abundence of these
flailing souls rampently jumping through one relation after
another in the guise of being an incredible lover - and I
mean lover in the true sense of romantic love - they leave
not only a wake of hurt feelings but set an example that
others follow until you get what we have today. Today this
kind of attitude IS the norm due to sheer numbers. It is
hard to stay a real romantic even if you find a way to
become one in the first place. The wake of hurt feelings
that some people leave have in a lot of cases been my own -
and it is a different ball game if your soul is constituted
in the realities of actual true love. I don't say that I
love someone lightly, I don't feel obligated to tell
someone that, it's not figure of speech, and I don't say
it so that I can later clirify if I meant it plutonically
because I changed my mind later. I don't say it unless the
person I'm saying it to has convinced me that they mean it
the same way I do and understand the responsibilities in
keeping that love alive. Love is a seperate being, I am
almost certain of that, that connects us together in a very
unique way that allows us to experience each other and
appreciate each other in a way not possible otherwise. Sex
with love is sex from both perspectives co-experienced
simultaneously. For everyone else it is self gratification
and conquest - for everyone else it is worthless degrading
bullshit. For everyone else it is offensive to the true
essence of humanity and its capacities.

How many people have convinced me that they 'had it', that
they had not grown a typical socialogical byproduct of our
age, that they really understood love and felt it for me?


And everytime it ripped the very fabric of my soul apart.
It was so painful that I really did prefer death. It is
not easy to go on when everything you trusted in and let
your soul synthesize itself to is destroyed by the only
other person who has the ability to do just that. Anyone
who really loves does not do that.

Love is not a novelty, something to mimic, a manipulative
tool to get the intamacy and sexual experience your
curiosity begged for, or something to treat like a flavor
of ice cream. We very much live in a loveless age. I
definitely am one of the few people in the North American
continent that understands real love. And to know is a
cruel curse because it is not compatable with the dominant
attitude toward relationships today.

Ignorence in this arena is bliss.
And the ignorent are happy.