A Crazy Persons Thoughts
2001-11-22 04:48:00 (UTC)

ok wow, big change.....

danny asked me out today. whoa. im smiling alot. it's
weird, cuz im not use to it. my cheeks hurt. :) it was so
sweet. he gave me a note after bible, and said 'this is my
list, i hope you approve...' and then left. so in english,
i was debating whether or not to open it. i new that it
would be either devestating, or wonderful. so i picked it
up, then put it back down. then i picked it up, then i put
it back down again. this went on a couple of min. then
cerissa said, 'gracious, just let me look at it, and ill
tell you if it's good or bad!' so she did. then she
said, 'i dont get it, it just says your name'
ok, get a grip.
i couldn't stop with the shaking and the smiling. Goodness,
then i had to take my test. i think i did ok too. i just
couldn't concentrate. then we watched the end of the
scarlet letter, when dimmesdale dies, only i was smiling
durring the whole thing. people looked at me like i was
i dont really care :)
ok, this whole thing is very new. and it was kind of
abrupt. i mean, i suspected, but it didn't hit me that it
would actually happen.
why does he even like me? that i still do not understand.
as depressing and sad as i am, he still like's me. weird.
he knows everything about me. everything. cutting and all.
and still, here we are.
im unsure what exactly to call us. i mean, it was never
actually said that we are bf/gf. but still, tomorrow when
rob, jerimy, and tim ask me if i have a bf, im going to say
yes. :) and although he is not a senior, he is probably
going to UCLA.
wow. ok, seriously now, my stomach hurts. is this what is
supose to happen? i completely fall apart, and not in that
romantic way like on tv. i just stand there practically
studdering. avoiding eye contact. well, no that's not true.
i love looking in his eyes. he doesn't turn away. he
returns my gaze and smiles, and that is the most wonderful
feeling in the world. there are sometimes when it is kind
of akward, but your going to get that at first with any
relationship, right? i really hope this will last. i
couldn't stand it if we weren't together, even if it were
just as friends. im going to miss him terribly on vacation.
well, ill still talk to him all the time probably. every
night actualy. but i dont get to phisically be 'with' him
until monday. eh.
and the georgia demings are coming down. double eh.
oh yea, grandma had 2 strokes, one little one, and one
really big one. she is in the hospital. they talk as if she
is going to die soon.
i have so many mixed feelings. my grandma is going to die.
i have a boyfriend (i think) who is my best friend too.
talk about emotional. as if i weren't bad enough already.
the next few weeks will be interesting. to say the least.
this could either make me, or break me. i guess it all
depends on how you look at it. "it's all relative" :)