Trixie Dust

Trixies in the Wind
2001-11-22 03:55:39 (UTC)

Pieces of the puzzle...

I slowly find them along the way. Ive noticed that. Im
getting really kinda annoyed with the routine Ive fallen
into. But I fear change. But I realized, its not change I
fear, its my feelings. Im scared of them. Like, love.
Ive run from a lot of people because of that. I dotn know
know why I have that strange complex... but with guys, Im
so scared of loving them and trusting them, even just
friends, because I have this strange fear theyll leave me.
But theyre my weakness. Especially Matt. Im so lucky to
have him. Honestly, Ive almost run. Ive gotten so scared
of my feelings that I almost convinced myself hed be better
off without me, and I talked to Will about it, another guy,
believe it or not, and he made me realize I was being a
jerk. And I was so scared to trust Will at first, really.
Actually, hes become one of my really good friends. And I
was so scared of trusting Matt.. and loving him. But I do,
I really really do. Its actually, kind of hard for me to
admit that out loud, because to an extent I can see how Im
being an idiot, but I know how I feel. Like, Andy was
like, whats wrong with you? You think you love this guy?
I was like, yeah, have you ever been in love? And he said
yeah, and described it, and I was like, thats alot like how
I feel.

Anyways, I realize I have to do alot of praying tonight. I
need God more in my life. I need His help. I need His
guidance. I need to know Im doing right in His eyes.

Anyways, Ill talk to you all laters.

Love you matt, huggles, mary and the gang.




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