2001-11-21 22:33:58 (UTC)

hole in my mind

yes.... ive finally figured it out. why im insane.
remember, im speaking figuratively: there is a hole in the
wall connecting my conscious and evil subconscious.
remember, my mind is figurative, my brain isn't, and we're
only talking about mind, mental stuff. i figured this out
when i discovered that my happy noodle boy supression
technique was backfiring (whenever i feel guilt, i just say
random shit, like happy noodle boy, i thought that this
would keep my mind off whatever just happened). but ive
realized that it doesn't work, i can feel my subconscouis'
power increasing when i do that, underminding me. sure, it
makes me less conscious of my err, but i let my guard down,
which looses up the hole, my subconscious oozes out, and
infects whatever just happnend into a horrible disease i
call insanity. so this is only my mind, mentally speaking,
it probably has nothing to do physically. but, something
did happen a long time ago. id say about 6ht grade, 4 or 5
years ago. it was at knott's berry farm (or was it 6
flags?), school field trip thing with other people. then
while we were walking, i felt something in my mind, like a
bubble or little insect, and it didn't really hurt, it was
just like water in your ear or something, like your big toe
overlapping your index toe. it just bugs you, you know?
well, i just jumped and skipped around a while, like if
there was water in my ear, that kind of reflex, but i
didn't heal. sure, i just became immune to it after a few
minutes, but i think that is what caused that crack in the
wall of my mind. anything can happen in the mind, because
it is your field of imagination. it is how you heal a
mental disease, is it not? its kinda hard to explain. you
heal mental scars with whatever the scar gives you. my
subconscious gave me these images, so whether or not im
just fooling myself, im still destroying the problem. i
can't fool myself by sealing a hole i think is in my mind,
because that i what i believe is causing me pain, so im
healing the problem nonetheless. 'but we all know we're
crazy, we all know that we're all fucked up.' -t(i)nc