Jammes14

Mercury
2001-11-21 07:42:31 (UTC)

what

nothign is hapening. just listening to some aphex twin so
i thought that i might write. also the reminder was
getting on my nerves. so here i am writting. i dunno,
maybe ill try writing constantly without stoppping for a
hwile, cooper suggesting that it was a good excersise so
here i am, listening to aphex twin, the new album, drunqs
or something along those line, there's lots of strange
names in that, i wonder if they have any meaning at all,
but o well so here i am writing. anything can sound
intelligent. use big words, and sound insane. lessons
from cooper. i wonder if he was ever in teh same
perdicament. he seems ok now. i wonder why. anyway, this
is hard to not delete any of this shit but ah well. fuck, i
got a d on ap euro progress report. i noticed that school
only tests effort, while sat's and shit test intelligence,
logic, wisdom, etc. i guess thats why i do so much better
on those. i gotta go play another mp3 for less that 3
secs. ok, this one is only 2 minutes or so so maybe ill
write till its over. anyway, maybe i died a long time
ago. no, then that would mean that my dream would have
been realized: to affect the world in no way, and just be
an observer. thats what i also wanted. i never wanted to
affect anything, because of my pessimistic alternate voice
would only focus on the negative side, so therefore, any
effort i made would be horrible and negative and
worthless. thats why sucide is so appealing. just to
leave this world and never hurt anyone again. but of
course, id be hurting the one's that tell themselves that
they love me. they only love me because that's whats been
told to them. or natural instincts, but who trusts those?
another track, brb. fuck, i dunno. so i guess that my
ideal way to go woudl be to have a mutual separation/exile
from everyone i know, go town to town, mabye try to start a
new life, or commit amnesia, and try again. but then id
get into a paradox, but id write or tatoo myself, like the
guy in momento. so....... what was i say8iung.... i have a
very short attention span, probably due to the fact that i
hate everything i have previously done, affected, said,
produced, SHIT FUCK another deja vu. i know ive said
the "everyhting i done, affected" line before, but
whatever, the flahsback is gone. fuck, i hate those. i
don't know why, its just not quite annoying, just
disturbing. to know that God is toying with me, knowoing
all my thoughts, and just leaving me to toil away. but
what can i do. well, im tired and i gotta work on ap euro,
maybe i try this time. but i never follow through. i
wonder if there is a way to kill that other voice. i
thought self mutilation would do the trick, but its hard to
find the oppurtinity since the only times that my true
pessy voice comes is with people, so i gotta get him when i
have my insane fits. well, im bored, so i might as well
work. http://bite.to/consume




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