Fish 'n Chips
2001-11-21 06:10:15 (UTC)

Friends it is.

Gaaaahhhhh. Today is a sad day. It is the end of Thomaz and
Megz *FOREVER* as we know it. But I'm okay with it I
guess, we're friends, so it's cool. At least we're going to
try and be friends...but we all know how that goes. We'll
talk for a couple months, and then gradually it will go to
talking a couple times a month, and then hardly ever. Then
he'll graduate and I'll be stuck, Thomazless. GOD! I dont
want anyone to graduate, it's so fucking depressing. I
think I'm going to miss Tom the most. I can't go sit
through the little "ceremony". I'll sit there and sob like
a bitch, I know it. I dont want him to see me all crying,
cuz it'll seem like I'm still butt-ass in love with
him...which, you know, I always will love him. But its okay.

We talked about sex a little bit ago. I told him I was glad
he was the one to take the big V...and he said he was glad
I took his too. But then he threw in "because we both
didn't know what we were doing". Man, what a smooth talker
he is, let me tell you. It makes me wonder if he really
cared at all?

I'm not sure if I'm going to be able to go through with
this friend thing. I KNOW I don't want to lose him
completely, that would suck major ass. I mean, he was
practically my best friend before we started "dating". I'm
just not sure if it will work out in the end or not. I'm so
attached to's just that we fight too much and it
wasn't working out. I still love him, and I'll always have
a place in my heart for him [oooohh, gotta love the
cheezyness]...but it's like, how can you be friends with
someone if every time you look at them, you want them even
more? Every time you're around them, you're just waiting
for the next time they'll touch you. That isn't good. I
think it will be okay though...I just gotta act all tough
and shit, cuz you know, I'm hardcore Maygun. Nothing gets
to me. Eventually the feelings will fade away...but these
first couple months are gonna be hard as fuck. Especially
if he gets with anyone new. WHEW. That's givin up
ketchup. I'd feel like someone ripped half of my body off
or somethin. I dont know, I'm rambling on and I'm bored and
I want to talk to him...but he's sleeping. I bet he looks
all cute. Hehe. Why does he gotta be so damn cute for? Why
can't he be ugly? Then I wouldn't think about him laying in
bed making those cute lil noises he makes when he's
sleeping. Or the way he looks like a little kid all curled
up. Or how I wish I could be there rubbing his head. Right.
Not that I am thinking or wishing those things. So I guess
it's time for me to try and get some sleep now...with my
big leopard print body pillow next to me all close. And
yes, I will still pretend it's him.