wHo aM i?
2001-11-20 22:57:40 (UTC)

My Confusion

I've reached this point in my life where I don't know if I
should go left or right, up or down, inside or out. I can't
seem to figure out just what it is that I want and I seem
to be asking any and everybody for thier opinion when I
should really just find out what mine is.
I'm come to know this whole new life that I never thought I
wanted to really be a part of. I've come to see that there
really is some part of me that I've hidden so long, I
didn't even remember it was there.
More than anything, I've found that you can love many
diffent people in many diffrent ways, all at the same time.

I'll start with "JD"
We've lived together for 3 years. (Been together off/on 5)
We're raising 2 wonderful boys together and for the most
part, life has become pretty routine. He's pretty set in
his ways and has no intentions of changing. I, on the other
hand, am still looking for myself. Still trying to figure
out just what I'm doing here and why. I can see so much
that I want to change about myself and about our
realationship. He can't. In the end, I feel me looking to
better myself and my situation is what will bring us to an
Let me comtinue to "Marcos"
One word: Married.
Although I knew this, I let myself get in to a
realationship that I knew could absolutly go no where. I
just felt wanted. It was new love and after a year and 4
months I love him even more, but I know it's time to let
go. I'v wronged to many people, mostly myself in this one.
My last, but most confusing, is "Nelly"
The easiest way to explain this is, she's a she and I'm a
she. Confused, isn't even close to the way I feel when it
comes to her. It's a whole new situation for me and
honestly, I'm curious to know where it's all going to lead.
She makes me feel the way no one ever has. She makes me
feel important and makes me want to become a better person.
She wants to become a better person with me. She wants to
take care of me. She supports every desicion I make. She's
basically amazing. Perfectly Amazing.
So thats the short version of my confusion. Beautiful? I
guess I'll see in the end.