Imaginal

Imaginal
2001-11-20 20:16:31 (UTC)

Last weekend at work

How funny I lost a most wonderful and bombastic entry. I
was writing about Sept. 11. Perhaps an angel is overlooking
my shoulder and trying to protect me from making a mistake.
Regardless I haven't the energy to recreate it and I imagine
I will at some later date.

In any case I will turn to another topic. One I intimated
at in yesterdays entry. I lied at work and hopefully
because of the weekend holiday it will become a matter of
the past. Someday in the future I will explain in detail my
job and its structure so that should anyone ever come to
read this they can piece together the details of my life.
But since I am writing this without that thought and for
myself let me as the invocation to the muse goes in the
Odyssey tell the story as I may.

I canned out a loading magazine and sent raw stock to the
lab. I lied about it at first unwittingly. Which is to say
I told the truth as I knew it ... but later I discovered my
error and did not come clean. So I have to go with a lie.
I have to live one. And this brings to my concousness that
I have been a liar all my life. Much like the liar in the
tailor of Panama in John Le Carre novel though not to such
good or disastrous effect.

So now I add on another lie. Which I for political reasons
of work I cannot give up. It would cause more problems to
give it up than to confess. Though I must remain calm and
pray and hope that it will be overlooked as there was no
harm done.

Trust however is something that is invaluable and I am not
trustworthy. The question is do they let me go or do the let it go
since I have presented them through my subterfuge with a mystery. I
will find out.




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