~A State of Perpetual Narcolepsy~
2001-11-20 18:45:26 (UTC)

~Skeletons Out of the Closet~

'I need some white sunglasses', I said to Jonny. He
nodded, smiled, grabbed my hand and Spanky's keys. Off we
went to Rockville, on a quest for white sunglasses. We
went to Sunglass Hut and didn't find any I liked. We
passed by this yoga temple where a large group of people
were doing tai-chi. The yoga temple was next to this large
elegant house which looked vaguely familiar.

'That's Andrea's house!', I yelled. Jonny stopped the car,
went in reverse, and pulled into the driveway. 'Who?', he
asked. 'Ya know, Andrea from summer school', I said.

We parked the car and walked up the steps to the door and
rang the doorbell. Her sister answered the door and yelled
for Andrea. As Andrea walked down the stairs, she waved to
me, and I heard Jonny whisper "Oh my god, she's so

Hours later, we were still in her living room, laughing it
up, watching TV and chilling. It was night-time
already. 'Hey, do you guys wanna go swimming?', she asked
us. 'Sure!', Jonny said, a little too fast. We split up
into three different wings of the house to change our

I then decided I didn't want to go swimming anymore so I
made my way up the stairs towards Andrea's bathroom and
stood outside the door. She was staring at herself in the
mirror, standing, shivering in her new bikini. As I was
about to make my way down the corridor to her bathroom, I
saw another image enter the bathroom from the second
entrance. Jonny.

'Whatcha doin'?', he said with a smile. He put his hands
on her shoulders and stood behind her while they looked in
the mirror. 'I'm fat!', she whined. He laughed, pushed
her into the shower, and turned the water on. I could hear
them making out even through the heavy blast of water.

With my eyes full of tears, and pangs of horror and pain
striking through every one of my veins, I ran down the
stairs, grabbed Spanky's keys off of the table and ran out
the door.

I started Spanky, leaving him in park. Trying to find a
good CD track to listen to when all of a sudden, I heard a
tap on my window. I turned my head to see a white guy
dressed in black standing outside my window, pointing a gun
at me. Before I got a chance to say anything or even
blink, he fired the gun, and then it was over.

So what if it was just a dream.. those feelings I
experienced felt so real.. I remember after he fired the
gun, how I didn't feel helpless, but instead, I felt angry
at the circumstances. For me to find my boyfriend cheating
on me, and then to get shot in the neck, moments later was
just so upsetting for me.

However, after the pain subsided, I felt so peaceful, like
I was floating in water. That dream was so real.

If this were not a dream, and it really happened, do you
think Jonny would have felt guilty, to the point where he
would have killed himself to be with me? I don't think so,
because if he was an asshole enough to cheat on me, it
shows that he really didn't care about or love me at all.

When you die in your dreams, you die in real life because
your body can't handle that feeling. But my brain is just
so disorganized that it can't even comprehend that. If I
am to get better, I would be safer not dreaming. But I
love dreaming, because I feel like I learn more in my
sleep, than I do when I am awake.

I love you, Jonny. I don't care what the Dream Jonny did,
but I know you, and I know you would not hurt me like
that. I love you so much.