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2001-11-20 14:06:31 (UTC)


Ohhhh grrrrr I'm so sick of Uni and I hate work (WORK- the
dreaded swear word!) Gotta do some stupid games
specification, and I just spent the last hour colouring in
a silly picture of a fairground pah!

Yesterday was good. Me and Chris went into Uni to do some
work, but I got really jealous and insecure when he logged
into his yahoo IM (he rarely uses it- APPARANTLY) and he
started deleting some people that he doesn't talk to.. then
he said 'oh I'll keep her' and I asked who she was and he
said 'she's a good laugh'... ok so WHY did I get so upset?
I don't know, I just did... I starting feeling fat and
insecure, and thought that it was some sort of hint that I
was boring.. I mean, to be honest, how can you think
someone is a 'good laugh' just by talking to the bitches on
the internet?? eh?? I mean, you have to know someone in
real life to actually tell if they're funny or not... i bet
she aint funny, she probably flirts with him and offers him
a good time... stupid cow.. and guess what country she
comes from.. hmmm never guess..

... i dont know.. I'm feeling a bit down about it.. i hate
jealousy and it makes me hate me...

.. chris was urging me to eat something today and he said
that he would make me a sandwich to take into uni for
dinner.. *oh dear* he forgot.. so I'm eating nothing.
Besides, I'm bankrupt and have no money..

Me and Chris are going to see a jazz band tonight.. he says
we are going because he knows I like jazz *sighs* REALLY
his friends are going and asked him if he wanted to go and
he said yes because he loves going out with them (he tries
to deny it) and as an after thought, they said I could
come.. he denies it all, but this is what its like.. they
dont like me at all.. they adore chris... (everyone adores

The way I see it, I'm just this female in the way. So
tonight I'm going to feel so pathetic... just sitting there
while they're all buddy buddy and know each other.. none of
them even talk to me... apart from this one cool guy called
David- but his fiancee dont like me... she worships chris
too.. she's all 'oh we miss you at the studio' blah blah
fucking blah...

I think I'm going to be so sad this weekend... especially
with McDonalds.. I guess I'm getting paid soon, thats
good.. but I have no money for petrol any more, so I may
not see chris for over a week until I can afford it..
sometimes I think he could do with getting rid of me for a
few days.. maybe he'll love me more after it?

*oh god what am I talking about?*

best go, supposed to be helping Lucy with this stupid games