A Leap of Faith
2000-11-15 06:20:45 (UTC)

I should go to bed right now...

I should go to bed right now. What's keeping me awak when I am this
tired is beyond me. I felt I should write.

It's 10:00 here. I have school tomorrow. But that seems to be
furthest from my mind. Today was interesting.

I should start by confessing that last night I did a spell to Enhance
Power I fear that I was losing and a Simple Protection Spell. (All my
spells are by yours truly)I felt better. At school today though,
Ashley knew I did the spells. She say right through it. I guessed she
figured I would be to weak in the head or I wouldn't notice. But I
did it and she knew.

Amy and I are still avoiding each other. I shouldn't do that because
I have to work on serious problems. And I have been getting these
urges to call Dustin but luckily I can never get a hold of him. What
would I say, "Ummmm..." and then a blank?

The seed I planted with manipulation has gone further. I think there
is something wrong with me. Old habits die hard I guess. But I just
feel taken over when I lie like I do. Jake is going to find out at
any minute. And I hope I can just get the lie over with.

EJ came over today, we made out as usual. But I still feel numb to
it. I wish I didn't I do like him. But luckily we are "just friends"
I don't have to worry about our "relationship problems" besides he
would jump down another girl's pants in a second, so I'm not worried.

My mom thought I was suicidal because everything that I do lately has
been off the wall. It always is with me but it was a different air to
it. She noticed me doing the spells later than usual. (I only do
magick late at night on special occasions) My mom didn't flat out say
I was suicidal. She asked about theropy. And then made a joke or too.
And casual looked at my wrists. I told her not to worry. I don't
think she even realized she did it.

Today, I fell asleep in English and had a dream. It means something
but I will explain it later.

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