my mind is overflowing with crap!
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2001-11-20 03:52:28 (UTC)


alright so this it, my thoughts of the night. Tonight i'm
feeing kinda lonely. I miss having someone to love, and
someone to spend time cuddle up on the couch and
watcha movie with and feel completly comfortable with.
Love songs hurt to much to listen to because i have no one
to relate them to but i despretly want to. Well not
despretly because i wont settle for anyone. I've had
enough of boyfriends who i have no feelings for. Which
cancells out everyone. But i'm sure that God will bring me
the right guy eventually.
Tomorrow is my big day, going to the college with my
parents. Lets see how this goes.. AAAAAhhhhhh a massage
therapist i've been wanting to do this since grade. 10.
It's kinda crazy, moving on and growing up. Today i got my
finite test back and I just rocked it! 83% can anyone
beleive that. i almost cried :) It has been a happy day.

and today was kinda weird, I was sleeping on the cafeteria
tables again and nathan threw a penny and it landed right
on my ass from across the cafeteria...all the guys were
quite impressed that it landed so perfectly ...It was
slightly entertaining. Then in english nathan decided that
he was going to try to feel my leg....AAAhhhh NO! you dont
do that. But it was entertaining all the same.

I cant remember if i talked about telling someone who i accident sort of. but i was freaking out saying
dont tell him because their best freinds and whatever. He
said he wouldn't and i'm pretty sure he did. and he
probably said it like "guess who wants your hog" or
something like that. I think he knows because on spare he
came in teh cafe and then looked right at me then he went
and sat right near me in there......but it could just be
because i'm now paranoid. It's kinda like i'm in grade 6
again. he he he. your probably thinking that could be a
good thing! but he has a gf of ..i dont know a long long
time so nothing good could come of him knowing. Ah well,
at least my high school sorta crush now knows.

and another good thing that happened this week is _ _ _ _
told me that i was hot and that i have the bomb smile :)
Which makes me very happy, especially when I'm feeling down
about not finding anyone good enough....never know maybe
i'll see a hotty tomorrow at the college thing...but you
cant pick up with the parents there so nevermind that!

Another thing that is bothering me lately is my Bradley.
He is kinda like a boyfriend, except he lives for ever
away, he was not perfect but my perfect everything i'm
looking for and talking to him always brought up my hope of
finding someone...but after talking to him so long, i
started to fall in love with him. But then we drifted
apart i tryed to keep calling and messaging him..we were
supposed to spend new years togather butit never worked
out :(
so any way he changed and we grew apart and now he moved
and i have no idea if it was just for vacation, or if he
moved's kinda sad really. Actually really
depressing because it's like a lost a best friend, my only
guy friend. Guys dont like to be my friend..they say they
do but as soon as they realize they wont be getting
anything they leave me.....depressing i know. but that is
how it works for me. Yeah so brad has left me, and that
hurts....our little fight thing didn't go over to well
apparently. i'm drained of thoughts toinght time to get
somesleep, I have a test tomorrow which i did not study for