My problems.
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2001-11-20 02:43:27 (UTC)


Hmmmm..... I know, I know.... It's been a while but I
got the computer for a little while tonight so I decided it
would be a good time to make a new entry. See usually
I make an entry like everyday but recently I sent my
computer back to get it repaired and used a different
one for a while. I couldn't use that one all weekend
because my dad wants to get our store up and running
by next Monday so I worked the entire weekend. Not
exactly what I call a good weekend but we got a lot

I've been depiciting what to write in this entry and a lot
has come across my mind. Some good, some bad,
some ugly. I've been thinking about my past and
wondering if I should invite you into my head, the crazy
mind that I have. I've decided to tell you some of my
dreams/goals over the years.

It all started in 2nd grade. My first "girlfriend" if you can
even call her that, Jamie Russo. In the begining of the
year she was pretty mean to me and stuff but as the
year went by she noticed how good of a person I was
an eventually we started going out. It was great when
we were walking in the halls she would run up to the
front of the line and kiss me on the cheek... Awww how
cute. All the other guys thought I was gettin cooties but I
didn't mind it. I liked her a lot. I don't know exactly what
happend after that but we prolly broke up er' something.
((Side Note : in 6th grade Jamie came back and I had
her in my chorus class and I started to tell everyone
about it and she got really pissed off because she
didn't want anyone to know we had a relationship, but
she did remember it)

So then 3rd grade came around and I guess I forgot
about girls that year cause I can't remember a lot except
that I had Mrs. Placeto and a lot of good friends.

Forth grade rolled around and I had a goal, a dream if
you would, I wanted to go out with Stephanie Bero.... As
you can guess.. It never happend. Fifth grade came
around and Krissy already knows who I wanted to go
out with. ... Jolaine Woods. My god she was perfect to
me. I once made her a necklace and a really really nice
note and the only thing she wrote back to me was...
\\\"Your just jealous of Nate.\\\" That really hurt me
because I really liked this girl, yet everything I did...
wasn't good enough. I tried long, and I tried hard, but
nothing happend.

Finally middle school came about and I entered the 6th
grade. Whew. What a year, I liked one girl inparticualr
and her name was Jessica. I never did a lot with her
but I always knew that I liked her. AGAIN. NOTHING

So then 7th grade rolls around and I have a new
fasination... Beth. She was a grade higher then me but
she came to my store a lot and we were really good
friends and I just liked ever little thing about her. She
was perfect in my eyes but sadly enough, I was dirty.
Really dirty. I look back on myself and I wish I could go
back in time, but ya know what? I can't take those days
back and it kinda hurts. So anyways back to Beth. I
made her a bracelet and a necklace but I was a real
jerk when I gave it to her. She came into my store one
day and I just threw it onto the counter. What a jerk! I
liked her all through 7th and 8th grade and saw all her
boyfriends. I even wrote her a long and romantic note
once but wasn't gutsy enough to give it to her.

Finally high school rolled around. Freshman year.
Whew. I had a new dream and her name was Danielle.
Danielle and I were really good friends. I mean really
good friends, we used to hang out as kids and stuff and
I liked her a lot. But again, as you already know....
Nothing happend.

So then 10th grade rolled around and I met this
person... This great person. I treated her like crap
because I liked her a lot and I was to shy to show her
how I felt. This girl was Angela. Yes the Angela you
know about today but it was different back then. I think
she liked me a lot to and I DID have a crush on her but I
just didn't know how to show her. I had English with
her first period every single day and everytime I saw her
I was SOOOO mean to her, and I didn't even mean it. I
am so sorry, and you have no idea how sorry that is.
One time I made her cry in the upstairs attrium after
looking at some paintings. Again, I feel like total crap. I
never meant to hurt her feelings but I did keep
everysingle one of her letters that she wrote me and
shes seen em' all. lol... that one.

So then 11th grade rolls around and again Angela and I
are still good friends. But something wasn't right. We
just didn't click as we did the previous year. And I found
something new. Again, Danielle came back into my life
and I had a study hall with her everyday and we hung
out and sung songs and I did everything for her.
Brought her in candy, looked up stuff for her on the net.
Everything you can imagine. I had a date set in mind
that I wanted to go out with her by. CHRISTMAS.
Guess what.. Never ever happend. All of a sudden
Danielle just hated my guts. Just hated my guts. I have
no idea why and still haven't found out to this day, but
she just hated my guts. After that happend I went back
to Angela. I was gonna ask her out but the I found out
that Jeff had asked her out a few days before I was
going to. So that dream was over.

So now we are back to this year, were again, I can't get
over Angela. She broke up with Jeff and I thought I had
a chance, and I did... for 6 days. I guess she needs
time and I'll be waiting but I am not sure if thats ever
gonna happen. So now I am looking for the right
person. The person that makes me happy whenever
I'm around her. I know who it is, but it doesn't matter.
She doesn't feel the same way as I do. The only
problem is that I took a huge risk and it paid off... For 6
days. Everyone tells me to get over her and I'm begiing
to think that their right. I begining to realize that there is
obviously something wrong with me. Girls just don't
like me in that kinda way. I guess I'll just have to wait
until I find the one that does. Until then... I must wait...
How long? Only time can tell.

I wrote a poem like a week ago that I really liked. It has
to do with friendship and its pretty good... I think... read
it if you'd like.


Tears leak from my eyes.
Could it be true?
Do I cry?

Emotions are weird
Sometimes you feel hurt,
And could use a sheild.

When your mad
You take it out on others
Hurting them so they feel sad.

When your happy
You try to share your happiness with them,
So they don't feel crappy.

Friends are a gift from above
And you should treat them with care,
So show them your love.


Life is a crazy thing and I think we need to make the best of it. do
as we can with what we are givin. Do what we must with what
we have been chosen to live with.

Here is a SERIOUS question for anyone reading this. In your
opinon what is wrong with me? Why do girls not like me in
kinda way? I mean I thought girls wanted someone that cared
for them, someone that they KNOW will be there for them. But I
am begining to realize that girls want bad guys. Guys who are
mysterious, guys who don't show their emotions. I guess I
thought wrong, but why change my lifestyle to meet girls? Girls
are insane and they have no idea what they want in life. But I
think when they find it... They know they've found it, and they
know they cannot live without it.


Side Note: Tommarow I have to hand in my college application.
I am going to goto MCC and I was pondering what program I
wanted to take. Either Accounting or Computer Technology.
Well heres an odd thing. Heres what I cannot explain. My family
ate at Bill Grays and we saw our ACCOUNTANT that works near
where I live. We never see this guy until TAX time and we saw
him at BILL ..freaking.. GRAYS. Odd huh? Sign? Prolly not.
Coincedence? Why of course. =D ((Laterz))

Another Side Note: I heard a song just a few minutes ago
by N*SYNC if any group... A boy group. But holy crap... It
described my life so perfectly except for one part, about me not
knowing her name... I know her name.. And so does she.


"I don't know how
I don't know why
but girl it seems
you've touched my life
you're in my dreams
you're in my heart
I'm not myself
when we're apart

Something strange has come over me
a raging wind across my seas
and girl you know that your eyes are to blame
what am I supposed to do
if I can't get over you
and come to find that you don't feel the same

Cause I'm falling falling
girl I'm falling for you
and I pray you're falling too

I've been falling falling
ever since the moment
I laid eyes on you

Falling falling falling
when I laid eyes on you
falling falling falling

I lose my step
I lose my ground
I lose myself
when you're around
I'm holding on for my life
to keep from drowning
in your eyes

Girl what have you done to me
to make me for fall so desperately
to think that I don't even know your name
and how am I supposed to live
if I can't get over this
you decide that you don't feel the same (yeah...)

Cause I'm falling falling
girl I'm falling for you
and I pray you're falling too

I've been falling falling
falling..., will you stay or will you go
heaven..., heaven knows what my future holds
questions..., questions linger on my mind
daybreak, from daybreak to dark of night
I'm falling...,
I don't know what's come over me
can't you see...

I'm falling falling
girl I'm falling for you
and I pray you're falling too

Falling falling
ever since the moment
I laid eyes on you."