Goats / Sombas
Goats: Man’s Worst Enemy
Long ago, in times before us, man noticed the
goat. They ran free in the country
side, galliantly playing with one another, ramming horns,
doing all the exciting things that
goats enjoy. Early man saw these majestic creatures and
longed to domesticated them.
With some time and patience, man did.
Goats proved to be useful. They were great for
milk, for meat, and all those other
great things. But there were ominous signs, signs that man
tried to ignore, but all along
man knew the day was coming. And now that day is upon us.
All along, while the goats were being fed, they
noticed the males being killed for
meat. They pretended to be okay with this, but all along
they were plotting. How would
you like to see your father killed for meat? I am
certainly not condemning man’s actions,
but the goats, they were displeased, and they prayed to
Pan, their pathetic deity, for
guidance. Pan spoke authoritatively to them, and with
time, they began to formulate their
Their plan began as something unstructured. Unlike
chimpanzees, goats lack the
ability to reason. They fight on instinct and know how to
use their horns. Their rebuttles
began small, things such as breaking the fences of their
pen or ramming their horns
forcefully up their owner’s ass. It was tolerated for a
while; afterall, who could resist the
meat of a disobedient goat?
But in time, the goats began to work more
dilligently on their plan for total
domination. They drew maps of the farms they were on and
devised plans, and after a
short while, goats were escaping and starting secret
underground militias. It is these
militias that we must fear, for the most intelligent goats
are didactically preaching in their
“baa baa” dialect that man’s time has come.
It is for this reason that mankind must ban
together to avenge the horrible goats
that are infected with the eville message of their
leaders. We must collectively grab our
spears and hunt these sick bastards until we can once again
bring peace to our farms and
put the goat back in its proper place within the food chain.